The Fallen
by Jelly Bean Jenna
Summary: Sam worked to stop the drug trade, so what if he slipped when he lost everything the day Andy died? How does he take it when she starts haunting him? Is she just a drug induced illusion? Is she fuelling his need for a different kind of addiction?
1. Chapter 1

Summery; Sam worked to stop the drug trade, so what if he slipped when he lost everything the day Andy died? How does he take it when she starts haunting him? Is she just a drug induced illusion, is she fuelling his need for more? A different kind of addiction?

Disclaimer; I know it's sad, but true- the fact that I don't own it or them! Or anything related.

I don't see Sam's character doing this, but you all know how I write.

I have little to No knowledge about drugs or drug use or side effects, so my facts may be a little off, thanks to my good friend Google, I researched this & hey its fiction, so here goes...enjoy!

Special thanks to everyone that has read/reviewed any of my fic's! You guys are awesome!

And for anyone new to my work- welcome to my world!

Thanks to Kelly2727, she is absolutely awesome!

**Chapter 1**

Andy was running late as usual.

But this late was not the unhappy, hung-over late it was occasionally in the past. This was more of the blissful kind.

Having moved into her new apartment after kicking Luke warm's cheating ass to the curb, she found a cosy little one bedroom close to the barn.

A place she could finally call home.

A place of her own.

Spending recent late nights unpacking and decorating had taken it's toll on her, but at least it was a happy tiredness. A tiredness that carried a sense of relief and freedom.

Breezing out her front door into the hallway she only hoped that Best would be a little late too, or else it would be 'serve, protect & don't be late' as his closing arguments this morning at parade. Directed specifically at only one person occupying a chair in the parade room.

Her.

As Andy came rushing out of the front door of her building, her running was halted as she caught sight of Best and Detective Boyd climbing out of Boyd's black SUV in front of her buildings doorway.

_"McNally, glad we caught you. Can we have a private word?"_ Best said as they walked over to where Andy had stopped, rooted to the spot where her feet met the pavement, when her gaze met theirs.

She could only nod in reply, as her heart stampeded its way up in to her throat, causing her voice to become a distant silence as panic set in.

Making their way upstairs Andy wondered why her staff sergeant and a detective from Guns & Gangs were making an early morning house call, to her apartment. It wasn't about Sam- he was still patrolling with her. Maybe she was getting an assignment. But that was usually done at the barn.

Unlocking and opening the door to her apartment Andy was nervous about their reasons, and as Boyd walked in to her apartment she saw he was holding a case file and a large brown envelope.

This cannot be good she decided, trying to suppress the waves of panic rolling over her.

Ushering them to sit with a flimsy wave of her hand, Andy took a seat across from them and waited in fearful silence for their explanations to begin, her lip less than tenderly being nibbled between her pearly whites.

_"McNally do you remember Ray De Silva? He was a case of your dad's about twelve years ago. It would have been a case study at the academy?"_

Boyd was at least straight to the point.

_"Um...yes I think so. The one with the bald, tattooed guy who took his kid to a deal that was busted? The kid was shot and killed by an officer in the raid?"_

Andy was more worried now with the mention of her dad.

He'd been sober for a while, and was managing to keep it that way. There was no need for something from his past to come back and haunt its way into him slipping off the sobriety wagon now.

Sudden waves of fear crashed over her, as the already deep seeded panic sagged her heart down.

_"Yeah. This is him"_ Boyd said handing a photo from the envelope to Andy.

The photo showed a man, with a shaved head, tattoos up his neck and shoulder, with large dark, empty eyes.

Besides the fact that he was 55-60 years in age, his face held the cold, callous look of a hardened criminal, rather than the soft, experienced look an old man should have.

_"Ok so what does this have to do with me now?"_ Andy said staring at the A4 sized mug shot of the cold eyed man.

_"McNally your father was in the first team on the night of the raid. The kid pulled a gun on his partner, a rookie, and Tommy shot the kid. Ray De Silva was arrested on a string of charges and put in prison for ten years, after spending nearly two years on trial, and appealing the first ruling. He vowed then to take revenge on your dad for killing his only child. De Silva was paroled about six months ago and went straight back to his gun running, drug dealing ways. I put a UC in his crew when I heard he was being paroled, coz he's always been high up on the food chain, and kept a tough eye on things from inside, so the UC contacted me about Three weeks ago with information on a hit and your name"_ Boyd said staring at Andy with an expressionless face. _"De Silva has put a hit out on you. He had my UC guy watch you and track your movements. Now he has given the go ahead for you to be dealt with. We have been making arrangements up to now and we're ready to move on the plan"._

Andy jumped off the couch as she felt the colour drain from her face, one hand on her hip, the other on her forehead.

_"What? Why didn't you tell me this earlier? What about my dad?"_

_"McNally I'm sorry we couldn't tell you before now in case it slipped out. We know you can't lie to save your life. I'm sorry we had no choice. Tommy is not a target, nor is he a threat. De Silva wants you. He wants Tommy to feel the pain he felt at losing your only child. He wants to watch Tommy suffer." _Best spoke for the first time since arriving with Boyd.

His tone was remorseful, rolled with sadness and a hint of uncertainty.

_"Sir you're, right I would have not dealt with that news well. But what do we do now?" _Andy said in a voice still shaking with panic as she sat back down on the couch, her body trembling.

_"It's simple McNally. There is a hit on you. My UC was the one ordered to deal with you. So we're going to do just that- we're going to kill you!"_ Boyd's cold, ice blue eyes twinkled at the prospect of killing her. The evil look on his face sent shivers down Andy's spine as she wondered if he would really, given the option.

The pleasure he would get out of killing her was defiantly not missed by anyone in the room, as Frank subtly cleared his throat to ease the tension pouring into the room like frozen, liquid blocks of ice.

_"Kill me?"_ Andy shrieked as she jumped up off the couch and began pacing the floor again. _"Seriously? No there has to be another way!"_ Andy pleaded.

_"I'm sorry McNally this is THE plan. The ONLY plan. This guy will not stop until you're dead."_ Best said unable to meet Andy's gaze as he knew exactly what she was thinking.

_"That means witness protection and total relocation doesn't it?"_ Andy whispered as she felt the tears drawing closer.

_"Yes. I'm sorry"_

_"What about my dad?"_ Andy whimpered out.

_"He'll be kept in the dark for a while until things settle down, then he'll be told it was a setup and be given the chance to join you. We have to make it as believable as possible. Look through these. These are guys working for De Silva. Remember their faces. It might save your life, for real"_ Boyd handed her the file and the brown envelope.

_"So when...?"_ Andy didn't really want to know, but she wanted her last weeks or days to count with her dad and friends.

And Sam.

_"Tonight"_ Best said looking down

_"Tonight? No...no... it can't be tonight."_ Andy yelled as she felt the colour drain out her face again.

_"McNally we had to wait to find a body that looked remotely like you. The university got a cadaver yesterday that looks close enough so we need to move on this. I'm sorry we can't wait"_ Boyd stated.

Almost too enthusiastically.

_"A cadaver? What? You're going to show them my dead body? That's going to kill everyone!"_ Andy was not happy about any of this but knew she really didn't have a choice. It was do or die for real.

Silent anger crept in to occupy her feelings of sadness, and fear, anger at a man she never met. Anger at the Rookie Tommy had protected, anger at herself for being in a situation beyond her control.

Total and utter rage at the fact that the set future was not working according to her five year plan.

_"It's in motion McNally. Your shift has been changed to tonight with Swarek and Shaw. Things have to appear normal so we got three guys to swap out with you. I've let them know. Report for parade as normal tonight. I really am sorry"_ Best said as he stood up and moved to the front door.

Andy felt her heart freeze at the mention of Sam. How could they even think of partnering them together tonight? And Shaw- her surrogate father of sorts.

Seriously?

Boyd followed and they left Andy standing staring at the back of the door as they closed it silently behind them.

With her heart breaking she went in search of her phone.

_"Hey dad my...my shift changed can we do lunch?"_

Happy with getting a lunch date with her dad one last time she went back to her bedroom and threw herself down on the covers as she broke down in sobs.

Andy had never felt so alone. She had never felt so much fear curse through her veins as it now flowed with fear of the unknown.

Her mom had walked out on her and Tommy, years ago, plunging Tommy into seeking solace at the bottom of a bottle, and her to go without the playful childhood every child had a right to have, having to grow up overnight and become the stable one in their household.

Now she would be doing the same thing- leaving.

Not willingly, and in a way more cruel than her mother had.

She was going to break more hearts along the way than her mother had, including her own.

And there was no way that she would ever be able to come back and apologize, or beg for forgiveness. Unlike how her mother could at any given time, but had never chosen to.

They would be left to wonder about what could have been, or maybe even what should have been, and she would be left to heal her own broken heart if she could ever find it in there to forgive herself for doing the one thing she promised herself she would never do- leave.

As instructed Andy reported for parade ready for the night shift, after a few heart-breaking lunch with her dad, during which he ate and she just pushed her salad around on her plate. Arriving early she hoped to catch Traci, Dov, Chris and even Gail one last time before she left.

She still didn't know how she was going to be 'leaving' but she wasn't worried about that. She was worried that this would rip them apart.

Walking through the barn she glanced up at Best's office as she passed. When he saw her he waved her over. As she stepped through the doorway she saw Boyd standing at the back deeply involved in a phone conversation.

Her stomach clenched as her heart dropped below her knees at seeing him there, now, before shift even started.

Best motioned for Andy to sit as they waited for Boyd to finish his call.

When he hung up he merely nodded in acknowledgment of her presence before launching off into the sordid details of the plan.

It was well thought out and perfected to the letter.

As Andy left Best's office the only thought that ran through her mind was _'this is really happening'_ making her heart sink at the idea of leaving.

Changing in to her uniform she decided against seeing any of her friends. She wouldn't keep it together if she saw them. Any stolen alone moments were not to be cherished other than in idea now, they would merely be faced as a group in parade due to better judgment. So as soon as she was dressed she went to sit out of sight and wait for parade to begin.

Sam came into the barn and saw the back of Andy as she walked into the ladies locker room. Not missing the fact that her step lacked its usual bubbly spring, or that her swinging ponytail was merely sagged against the back of her neck as she kept her head bent.

Something was defiantly up with her, and by the looks of it, Sam surmised it was not in a good way. Hopefully, he could change her frown to a smile by the end of shift, he thought as his hand reached out for the locker room door.

Making his way into the men's locker room he was surprised to see Shaw already changing.

_"Hey brother you got moved too huh?"_ Oliver asked trying to sound his normal happy self.

_"Yeah me and McNally. So how are Zoe & the kids?" _

_"Good, good. Naughty kids so that means they're fine" _

_"Um...ok. That's good" _

_"Hey why you wearing such a happy face today?"_ Oliver noticed Sam was not his normal dark, broody self.

_"I um...I decided something."_

_"Oh really?"_ Oliver raised an eyebrow at that non explanatory statement. _"And what have you decided that makes that face?"_

_"Can't tell you, wait until she says yes" _Sam said pulling his shirt on.

_"What? You gonna ask McNally on a date or something?"_

Oliver did not like the sound of that. He knew how Sam felt about his former rookie\now partner, but this could NOT happen today. He knew exactly what would happen tonight and this would not be good. What if he asked early in the shift and she said yes? Tomorrow Sammy would be a man with a broken heart. _"Um...don't you think it's a bit soon after...I mean they only broke up a couple weeks ago. And then there's your age difference. I dunno man; she's still young you know?"_

_"Yeah that's why I'm not waiting around anymore. Why the sudden change of heart Ollie? She's not my rookie anymore"_ Sam was confused by Oliver's sudden change of heart. He kept saying go for it now he was saying run from it. Not making sense.

_"I just think you should wait a while"_ Oliver said before turning away and leaving the locker room.

Sam shook his head in disbelief as he opened his locker door and pulled out his uniform.

**And there you have it, hope you enjoy and please read and review! Next chapter up soon.**


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks to the people that made my emails light up with Alerts & follows-

And thanks to you all for reviewing chapter 1! -

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You guys just keep blowing me away, so thanks!

You guys are all awesome!

Special thanks to Kelly2727!

Hope you have read her work too!

**Chapter 2**

At 6-30pm sharp Best started parade and handed out assignments. To her surprise Andy was pared with Sam and Shaw was riding solo. She still hadn't figured out why Shaw was also moved over shifts with her and Sam but didn't ponder on the though too long. It was probably to make it look legitimate.

But how could they seriously partner her with Sam?

Their shift started in silence as they drove through the busy streets. Andy kept looking at her watch as she stared out the passenger window her head resting softly against the glass.

_"You ok there McNally?"_ Sam asked sneaking a look at her.

_"Fine, just tired I guess"_ and scared and sad and gonna miss you the most she added silently. Andy tried her best to push those thoughts from her mind.

_"sure?" _

_"Yup"_

They drove around in further silence Sam sneaking looks at Andy and her doing the same.

Their usual game of silent glances.

_"You know if you need to talk..."_ Sam knew he didn't need to finish his sentence.

But he put it out there anyway, just so that she would know.

_"Nope thanks anyway"_ Andy replied forging a weak smile.

_"Ok. Should we get a coffee?"_ Sam asked as they neared Andy's favourite diner. No one in the universe could make coffee that came close to theirs.

_"Yes defiantly"_ she said sitting straight up. Might as well have a last one from them before I die, she thought dryly.

_"Urg!"_ Slipped out before she could stop it.

_"And that?" _

_"Oh I just remembered something"_ Andy said as she looked out the window hoping she could hide her emotions. It was almost time anyway. The time was set for 10PM. It was

9-15pm now so no need to make the last forty-five minutes of my life unbearable.

Or miserable.

Pulling over Sam grabbed them each a coffee before they set out on patrol again.

Andy glanced nervously at her watch for the hundredth time in ten minutes.

_"Waiting for something McNally?"_

She should have known that nothing got past Sam.

_"Nope just checking the time." _

This was harder than she thought.

Waiting to 'die'.

Knowing that you were going to 'die'.

She wondered how Sam would take the news. She knew she would not take it well if it was him instead of her.

_"Ok then"_ came Sam's short reply.

_"What is it Sam? You want to say something? You've been trying to start a conversation with me all night so spit it out. Whatever is on your mind, just get it out there"_ ok maybe that came out harsher than she intended but she was running out of time.

_"Ok fine then. Gonna grab breakfast with me after shift in the morning?"_ Sam said his words hurriedly as his hands tightened on the steering wheel as he drove.

_"We do that every time we do a night shift Sam."_ Andy giggled at his nervousness at asking her a question he had a million times before.

_"I know. But this time I mean as a date Andy"_ Sam said not daring to shift his eyes off the road as he waited for her answer.

Andy stiffened at hearing his words.

Date.

She had been waiting for him to ask her out since forever and he chose today of all days to do that.

Not yesterday. Not last week. But today.

As Andy searched for words to answer him she felt her tears come back.

They would come and go, the silent watery reminders of how her heart was breaking, and the fact that there was nothing she could do or say about it.

It was as if the universe was conspiring against them. Always setting the time to be wrong.

As Andy opened her mouth to answer the radio cracked to life with a call for them.

_"1505 what's your 20?"_

Grabbing it Andy responded with sadness lacing her voice.

_"Heading south on Marlboro Drive"_

_"We have reports of a disturbance at the marina, can you respond?"_

_"Mark us on route"_ Andy said as she hit the lights and sirens.

Seven minutes later Sam pulled the cruiser in to the marina. Andy rolled down her window and took off her seat belt as she had been instructed to do by Boyd.

As Sam reached the waterfront he looked over at Andy who had started crying.

Pulling the cruiser over he turned to her concern written all over his face.

_"McNally? Hey if this is about earlier...what I said..."_

_"No... And yes... But mostly no. Look, I'm just happy to be here now. With you."_ A genuine smile played on her lips as she said it so Sam knew she was really happy to be here. With him.

Shifting his eyes back in front of him Sam scanned the marina for any signs of life to see nothing but the boats on the rippling water, swaying in silence. Darkness shifted lazily around the area, a tribute to the setting of the sun.

_"See anything?"_ He asked Andy.

_"Nope"_ she said although she was not really looking around. She didn't want to see it coming, it just had to happen and be over. She was really regretting her decision to go through with this now.

Then there was the guilt.

The guilt of not saying goodbye to her dad, her friends or saying something to Sam now.

As Sam looked at Andy with a blank expression he heard the sound of a motor running growing louder. He looked around but saw nothing. Turning to look out the back window of the cruiser Sam saw the shimmer of the large dark trucks body dancing in the light of distant street lamps as it made its way towards them at one hell of a speed.

_"Get out!"_ Sam yelled as he turned to Andy who was sitting with her eyes closed.

"McNally get out!" he yelled louder as he grabbed her hands with one of his.

Andy opened her eyes to reveal tears brimming, threatening to overflow. More than the silent ones that had already left her eyes.

As Sam opened his mouth to get her out the car sudden light filled the car as the trucks headlights were switched on seconds before it made impact with the back of the cruiser pushing it forwards towards the edge of the pier.

Andy sat staring at Sam in stunned silence.

Sam sat staring back at her wide eyes seeing no fear as he still had hold of one of her hands.

_"When we hit the water you don't let go of my hand. You don't let go"_ Sam said in a calm voice as the truck reversed slightly before it came barrelling towards them again.

The sound of the impact was deafening. It was like the sound of thunder, during a storm as it rolled loudly over the skies, only amplified. The sounds of scraping metal and squealing tire's mixed in with the runaway sounds of their heartbeats as they braced their bodies for another impact.

The truck slammed into them full force pushing the cruiser through the flimsy barrier of low rotting wooden poles hung together with rusted chains that were no match for size or power of a police cruiser or the double cab truck that pushed it through them with no resistance.

Within seconds the cruiser was suspended on the edge of the wooden walkway hanging above the murky, rippling, freezing water.

Sam still staring at Andy gave her hand one final tight squeeze as the cruiser broke free of the invisible restraints that held it there for mere seconds before it ploughed into the water.

Neither of them cried out or moved as they tumbled forwards.

At least it didn't roll forwards so that they entered the water upside down.

_"Don't let go"_ Sam whispered as water streamed in around them everywhere. Dark water seeping in through every opening it could find. Andy was wet up to her legs and had already begun shivering as the water level began to rise and the cruiser began to sink.

Sam reached over and undid his seatbelt still holding on to Andy's hand, letting go only to release himself before reclaiming it. When it was loose he looked over at her open window as water reached it and flooded though the vacant opening causing the cruiser to tip and roll down slightly on that side as it became right side heavy with the amount of water flooding in.

Andy sat still staring at Sam a sad smile covered her face as her eyes leaked the evidence of a sad heart.

Sam shook her slightly to bring her back to focus as she looked somewhat lost drifting between reality and the underworld of her thoughts.

_"Andy go through your window. Just don't let go ok? I'll be right next to you"_ Sam always managed to keep an eerie sense of calm about himself no matter what the situation was.

Following Sam and Boyd's instructions Andy moved to climb out the window ducking her head under the water after taking several deep breaths. True to his word Sam never let go of her hand he just held on tightly as he began to follow.

Andy was just free of the restraints of the cruiser still submerged under the water when she turned to Sam and tried to get a last look at him in the darkness of the water. She could make out his feint silhouette against the sinking metal frame of the window as he calmly clambered through the opening.

She took one final look at him before she shook her free hand and pried his fingers from the tight grip he had on her other hand. Her movements drew his attention to immediately focus on her as he shook his head no and his eyes conveyed a simple message of 'no McNally don't let go' as he fought to hang on to her hand. He still had one hand on the doorframe of the cruiser as he was only halfway through the window.

Fighting his strength to hang on to her with all the strength she had to break free Andy gave Sam one last look that said 'I'm sorry' as she pried her hands free to see his eyes fill with fear. Closing her eyes to shut out the image she moved to push her feet against the roof of the sinking cruiser as she barrelled herself up towards the fresh air her lungs so desperately needed to breath.

Breaking the surface she felt the cold night air sting her wet face as she began to swim with every last ounce of energy she had left. She swam away from the cruiser out into the darkness of the open water around the marked boat towards the tiny black rubber dingy that was waiting for her.

As Boyd pulled her up and handed her an oversized towel she heard Sam calling her. The unmistakable desperation in his voice ringing out over the silence of the water. Desperation and panic mingled with the slight noises of the water slamming into the sides of the boats they hid behind.

Turning away from Boyd Andy felt the sting of warm tears on her cheeks as they mingled with the chilling water droplets.

She was flooded with relief to hear him so she knew he made it out ok, but the relief was replaced with regret within seconds. Sitting down she wondered in silence if faking your death was worth killing your heart.

The silence was broken when floods of sirens filled the air. She could see the red and blue lights dancing out over the water in a flurry of flashes. As soon as the sirens stopped moving and became a fixed noise in the air Boyd issued the order to a man sitting next to the engine. Within seconds the motor spurred to life and they were moving across the water.

Andy was fixated on only one noise that could be heard as they moved away. Again and again the noise reverberated above that of the sirens and their small boats engine that was the sound of Sam calling her name.

Sam broke through the surface, a feeling of fear running through his veins. Calling out to her in the darkness he was answered by silence. Filling his lungs with air, he was back under the dark water searching for her, only to come back up for air alone each time.

When Oliver arrived he called out to Sam to get out the water before the bone chilling cold temperature set in to hypothermia. Each time his pleas fell on deaf ears. Soon the area was littered with lights as all kinds of emergency services arrived.

Divers geared up and entered the icy water in search of a lost Officer.

Sam feeling the chill become numbing reluctantly allowed himself to be taken from the water as fatigue set in causing his body to begin to malfunction on his swimming skills.

Jerry had arrived with Best and Noelle, all wearing glum expressions.

Oliver handed a blanket to Sam and ushered him towards the medics but Sam refused. He sat wrapped in the blanket on the hood of Oliver's cruiser staring out the vast expanse of the water in silence.

Oliver watched in silence as the hours rolled by and Sam sat on the hood of his cruiser and stared. He stared at nothing and yet it looked like he was seeing everything. Noelle had run off to get copious amounts of coffee and Sam could just nod in thanks as she handed him one after the other.

As dawn broke more boats arrived in the marina making Sam's heart slow to a near stop. They searched through the night with no sign of Andy and were going to roll out the drag nets and drag the marina out into the bay.

Oliver walked over to Sam with a head hung low and slumped shoulders as he searched for words.

_"Sammy...we have to get you home now"_ was all he could think of to say.

He knew she wasn't coming back and he could not bring himself to offer the comforting words such as 'they'll find her' or 'she'll be ok' when he knew that was not the case. He'd been parked hidden in the shadows for a while before they had arrived. He had witnessed their exchange before they were pushed over the edge into the water. He had heard Sam call out for Andy long after Boyd had called to say they picked up the package.

His heart was breaking at the unmistakably sad expression Sam's face held. But his heart broke even more for young McNally. Her whole life revolved around a fear of being left. The reason he surmised was what held her back when it came to Sam. Sam had a support structure with them now when he needed it. Andy was being taken away to where she had no one. Because this time she had to leave. He worried that this may be what ultimately would break the feisty spirit of the youngster. That her having to leave this time would be too much for her to bare alone.

Time stopped moving for Sam when he heard Oliver murmur those words. He had to leave. He had to go home. There was nothing more he could do. In silence he dragged himself up off the hood of the cruiser and climbed in still huddled in the blanket as he clung to it like it was a life line of some sort.

_"You know I'm here...if you need anything Sammy"_ Oliver said as he handed Sam his spare keys when they pulled up outside his house. Sam just looked at Oliver with a dead expression filling his eyes as he nodded and climbed out the cruiser making his way up the stairs of his front porch.

His uniform still drenched and dripping water.

He entered his house in sombre silence slamming the front door closed. Making his way straight to the kitchen he stood in front of the cupboard that housed the only escape he could think of. It held bottles of liquid escape. Letting the blanket fall from around his shoulders he reached out and opened the cabinet door taking a bottle of whiskey and made his way to his bedroom.

*** Thanks for reading, & sharing is caring, so please share your thoughts/comments or anything else you feel like telling me in a review & have an awesome day!**


	3. Chapter 3

Once again, thanks for sticking to this fic, your reviews have been awesome! Sorry I haven't sent any PM's saying thanks, but I've been temping since last week & my 4 year old has chicken pox- so MY time is non-existent.

But I promise I read every single one, and love them to bits, so please keep the coming!

Special thanks as always to my muse- Kelly2727!

**Chapter 3**

Three days had passed. Three days of waning hope as time fluttered by. Waning hope that Andy would be found alive. Traci had been given the week off due to her inability to cope. Sam just didn't bother getting out of bed other than to use the bathroom or get a refill of a bottle from the kitchen. Three days of muted silence as no word had been mentioned of Andy. The other Rookies were all on auto pilot as they went about their duties and lives, although their normal happy spirits seemed gone.

There was a big gaping hole when it came to their lives. Their smiles were not reaching their eyes. Their laughs were cut short suddenly as if they felt they were committing a sin.

Three days had past until Sam heard a knock on his door. Making his way over in a slight drunken stupor for ten am that is; he swung the door open to see a very sad looking Best, Oliver, Noelle and Jerry standing on the deck.

He felt his world crumble in that one single instant. No words were said, but he knew what words had failed to tell him. He knew that from the tear stained cheeks of Noelle and the bloodshot eyes of the three men that they had found her.

They had found Andy's body.

Feeling his resolve at keeping a straight face, Sam just nodded and slammed the door closed. Trying to shut their silent words out. He made his way back to his bedroom is silence only stopping to grab the bottle he left on the table on his way to answer the door.

Tommy McNally was informed of Andy's accident the morning after it happened. Three days later he was informed of her body being found. Trying to keep up his sobriety for Andy's sake was hard over the last months. But she had always been there. Been there to push him to keep on doing it. Today after the visit from Frank Best he lost the will to keep up the facade. Why should he? She wasn't there to see him slip & fall.

Or to stop him.

He made his way to the Penny in one last attempt to feel closer to the last living thing he held dear. At least he could be surrounded by her in another way.

Even if only in thoughts and memories.

A little after one Am Sam was jostled from his drunken slumber by the shrilled ringing of his new phone. Groggily he reached out for it & mumbled an irritated "yeah" into the receiver.

_"Sammy?"_ A familiar voiced droned in his ear but he was unable to place the voice to a face.

_"Yeah?"_

_"Um...it's Liam from the Penny. I'm sorry to wake you. I...um I heard about Andy and I'm really sorry. I didn't know who else to call but I've got Tommy down here and he's wasted. He wants Andy or you to come get him" _

Liam's voice held a genuine tone of sympathy as he spoke.

_"Sure. Be there just now"_ Sam said and hung up. This was the last thing he needed right now. How was he going to face Tommy McNally after killing his only child?

Sam walked into the Penny feeling uneasy about facing Tommy. Walking through the door he found Tommy hunched over the bar counter Jerry and Oliver trying to obviously talk sense into him. The Rookies all looked up at Sam their eyes fogging with sadness at the sight of him. Never anger or blame. Just sadness.

Hiding his surprise at finding them all still at the Penny at 1am, Sam avoided more than a glance in each of their directions.

Luke Callaghan sat on the other side of the bar watching as Tommy made a drunken spectacle of himself. When Sam looked at Callaghan he could see him physically stiffen at the sight of him.

Sam made his way over to Oliver and held out his keys so that they could take Tommy to his truck. Traci made her way over to Sam with a look on her face as if she had been wrestling with the idea of whether to come over or not.

_"Sam?"_ She whispered as Jerry and Oliver moved away carrying a now passed out Tommy.

_"Nash"_ Sam greeted not looking at her.

_"I'm so sorry Sam"_ she said as she lay a soft touch on his arm as he shoved his hands into his jeans pockets. Her other hand still clutching her drink.

_"No need for you to be sorry Nash. You didn't do anything"_ Sam said harsher than intended, as he let his gaze sweep the room in an attempt to avoid her heart wrenching gaze.

_"Neither did you Sam"_ she whispered as tears choked her voice to fail on her.

_"I let her go."_ Sam said in anguish as he felt the guilt rush over him in waves.

_"Sam there was nothing you could have done. But can I ask you something?" _

"Yeah" Sam meekly nodded, still avoiding meeting Traci's eyes.

_"I didn't...I didn't see her that day, other than a quick hello before parade. How... How was she?"_ Traci had no idea where this was coming from but she had to know.

_"She was good. She said she was happy..."_ Sam couldn't relive the final moments so with that he left his words to hang in the air.

_"Oh I'm sure you're quite happy too now aren't you Swarek"_ a voice slurred in the silence suddenly as Luke strode up to Sam and Traci. _"Happy you got her killed. She never should have been allowed to ride with you. She would have taken me back you know...if you had gotten out of the way. Andy was all I had..."_ With that Luke's words were cut short when Chris walked over in silence and swing a fist without warning. It connected with Luke's jaw and sent him sprawling through the bar stools behind him.

_"Don't you ever, ever say her name again. Ever. You just don't"_ with that Chris turned and walked out the door into the cold night air. Silent fury emanating from his aura.

Traci walked over to the slumped figure of Luke still sprawled on the floor. Bending down she threw the rest of her drink out in his face before she let words barrel out of her mouth.

_"You have no right to talk about her. No right! You screwed up the last few months of her life when she could have been happy. You knew that but you screwed with her anyway, like she was some toy. You don't say her name ever again. You knew she loved Sam but you just had to keep your pride intact you worthless piece of garbage"_ Traci had raised her voice to screaming octaves by the time she stood up and turned away from the blonde detective sprawled on his ass.

When she turned to see Sam staring at her with pain written on his face she regretted saying those words in front of him. In the heat of the moment, his presence was erased from her mind as rage took over. As Sam turned away and made his way for the door, he felt as if his whole life had come to this one point- the complete and utter point of devastation.

He took Tommy home and helped him get into bed. As he closed the door leaving Tommy safely tucked in his apartment he was glad the man had stayed passed out most of the time. He could not face him now or probably ever.

Sam returned home and grabbed the bottle of whiskey before he even closed his front door.

Traci had a panic stricken look on her face when she turned to see him at the Penny, when she gave Callaghan a piece of her sharp tongue. That was probably the single most heart wrenching moment of his life. The moment he heard that Andy loved him. After she was gone. After he let her hand go.

Sitting on the edge of his bed sipping the burning amber liquid Sam knew that the whiskey was no longer a satisfying escape.

An escape from Callaghan's words- Happy you got her killed. It killed Sam to realize that the words were true. He had gotten Andy killed. He did not keep her safe.

After a few bigger sip's he put the bottle down on his bedside table picked up his keys from the kitchen and made his way out the door. He had one thing in mind when it came to escaping and he knew exactly where to get it.

The one thing he promised himself never to do, no matter how tempting it ever became. But now he wasn't tempted by the thrill of it, he was tempted by the excruciating loss he felt.

The simple knowledge of the facts- He let her hand go.

He didn't keep her safe.

He let her die.

And she loved him.

Escaping that was the temptation now. Escaping that, and the guilt.

Andy felt miserable over the next three days. She felt nothing but harrowing sorrow at what she had done. She had left. Everyone. Her friends, her dad & Sam.

She spent three days of moody sulking around a two bedroom apartment downtown. She was dropped off by Boyd and instructed to stay inside. There were bags of clothes waiting for her as she was ushered to take off her dripping wet uniform and all personal items and hand them to Boyd in a garbage bag. That broke her heart a little more. The blue uniform she wore with pride was now shoved by her own hand into the garbage bag as if it and her life meant nothing. She did as she was told knowing the choice was not hers to make. As she dressed she looked at the thin gold chain hanging around her neck. A sad smile graced her lips as she remembered Traci giving it to her as a graduation gift when they finished at the academy.

It was a thin gold chain that had a horse shoe pendant on for luck. She loved it and it was all that was left of her life. Of Andy McNally.

She had gotten Traci and Leo each a lava lamp so Leo would have something to watch while waiting for his mom to come off a night shift. Traci was so pleased with that- the simple fact that her son was included in their lives.

'No way that's going' Andy thought as she hid it under her shirt and gave Boyd the bag. With a nod he left her. Alone with no human contact Andy found it hard not to break. Until she had nothing left in her to fight with. She broke down and sobbed as she heard on the news that the body of a young Toronto police officer was found.

She was dead to the world and felt a large piece of her heart die along with it.

Three days of crying and three nights of sleeplessness had taken a rough toll on her. She would wake up from nightmares of Sam not making it out the cruiser and her missing his funeral because she left. She was haunted by the last images of him. She was haunted by the fact that he finally decided to ask her out and she died in his eyes that day. She rather wished she had told him how she felt sooner rather than not at all.

Rolling out of bed still fully clothed she grabbed her boots and jacket and pulled them on before grabbing her keys and walking out the door.

She was about to break every rule that was imposed on her now but she didn't care. She needed to see that they were ok. She made her way out into the darkness of the night with her destination set in her mind.

Twenty minutes later she sat on the bus stop bench across the old building looking up at the third window from the left. She saw the lava lamp flickering through the drawn curtains and saw the dark figure standing in the shadows behind it. She knew Traci was watching the bubbling liquid with tears in her eyes.

As the bus stopped in front of her Andy whispered a soft _"I'm sorry"_ as she wiped away a tear before boarding the bus.

Ten minutes later she felt the sudden need to get off when the bus pulled over to make a stop away from her destination. Feeling the odd pull off the bus she knew her gut was telling her to get off now and she did just that.

She walked down the busy street watching for any sign of a familiar face. Keeping her jackets hoodie up, she hoped she would not run in to anyone she knew especially in this neighbourhood. It was Toronto's club district and was patrolled by the 15th about a hundred times every half hour on a Friday night. It housed some of the most popular drinking spots in the city but also some of the most drug ridden ones.

She made her way silently down the sidewalk until her attention was drawn to a truck just like Sam's. Same colour, same model hell it even had the same number plate.

_"Wait what?"_ Andy took a step back and eyed the plate. It was Sam's truck. Why was he out in this part of town at this time on a Friday night if he wasn't patrolling? Feeling the hair on the back of her neck stand up Andy had a bad feeling wash over her.

***** So finally we're getting somewhere! Anyone wanna guess what happens next? Leave it in a review, or any other thoughts you wish to share. **

**& has anyone noticed- I kinda have an addiction when it comes to punching Luke in the face? Sorry it's just the way my head goes! **

**Thanks for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

Keep reviewing! They make my day! You guys have seriously left me some of the best reviews ever, so thank you!

As always thanks to Kelly2727!

**Chapter 4**

Making her way to the alley just past the club, Andy heard his voice and froze at the words he said.

_"I need more of it". _

_"How much more?"_ Another male voice said in a hushed tone.

_"I dunno make it double the last. Here" _

Sam's voice was husky, but held no sign of wavering.

No hesitation.

No nervousness.

He sounded...desperate.

Andy leaned around the side of the wall, letting one eye peek out from behind the bricks, and watched as Sam held out a wad of cash to the stranger who took it and handed him something that he shoved in his pocket before he looked around and turned to make his way out the alley, heading in Andy's direction.

Andy felt her breath get caught in her throat as she doubled back the way she came and made it to stand in a line to enter a club.

The nearest place to hide.

She was standing on shaky legs, watching out from under her low dipped hoodie as Sam left the alley got in his truck and pulled out into the street.

She had just seen Sam Swarek buy drugs in an alley outside a club driving his own truck. That was bad.

Really bad.

Andy mumbled a few loud _"no's"_ as she made her way out the line and hailed a cab hoping to stop Sam before he did the unthinkable.

Andy pulled the cabbie over a few houses down from Sam's before she took to the pavement in a desperate attempt to find Sam. Reaching his house she paced a few times thinking of what to say. He thought she was dead, probably blamed himself. He bought something from the guy in the alley with his own truck, so it was not an undercover thing, it was personal.

_"Shit"_ she said and jumped at the loudness of her own voice carrying in the darkened silence of his neighbourhood.

Deciding not to overthink it she went barrelling up the steps before stopping in front of his door. Now how to get in.

No keys no lock picks no knocking.

He must have a spare. She dug around in the garden looking for a fake rock. No too common for Sam. She approached the deck light as it caught her eye. Reaching a hand up on top of the warm glass she felt the tape and pulled it loose bringing with it a key.

Unlocking the door she tip toed uninvited into his house not wanting to startle him and give him a heart attack.

She made her way through the dark, empty lounge and found the kitchen the same. That left the bathroom and bedroom. Feeling a light blush at that she made her way to the bedroom to find Sam laying on top of the covers eyes closed a dorky grin cropping his lips. She glanced at the bedside table and felt her breath catch as she saw the remainders of what looked like an alcohol infused binge and the soft white sparkle of the white powder that was left against the dark wood of the bedside table.

Too late. She was just too late.

_"Oh Sam"_ she said as tears filled her eyes.

Sam's eyes flew open and his head jerked up at the sound of her voice.

Man this was some strong shit if it gave him hallucinations of the one thing he wanted most- Her.

The one thing he obviously couldn't have.

Andy stood frozen as Sam looked at her like he was seeing her for the first time ever. He smiled although it wasn't a fully-fledged dimpled grin.

He looked like crap. He'd lost weight. He was pale and seriously needed a shave. His hair was dishevelled. Andy felt his appearance tug on her heart strings as she stood looking at him.

And it only took three days for him to look this bad. What would he look like after a week, or a month?

_"Andy...I'm so sorry"_ he mumbled still staring at her.

_"What?"_ She said in a whisper as she took a step closer.

_"I shouldn't have let you go. I shouldn't have taken that call"_ he said his voice breaking with emotion.

_"Sam it wasn't your fault" _

_"I got you killed Andy. Because of me we will be having your funeral on Monday. Because I let go of your hand. I couldn't hang on"_

Wait he was looking at her but not seeing her, he thought she was still dead. Either he thought she was a ghost or he was as high as a kite.

_"No Sam I let go of your hand"_ she said softly wanting to rush over and touch him so he would know she was really there.

_"Why Andy? Why did you let go?"_ Anger laced his voice as he begged for an answer.

_"I dunno Sam"_ she said dropping her gaze away from his, as she softly shifted from foot to foot as nervousness reigned down over her.

Sam reached for the half empty bottle of whiskey on the bed side table and took a long sip before setting it down loudly.

_"So now you have come back to haunt me? Make me pay for what I did? Well if this shit gets me the chance to see you I suppose it's worth it"_ he said as his fingers drew patterns in the powder that was nestled on the dark wood of the bedside table, before he flopped back down on the covers, his eyes clenched tightly shut.

_"No Sam!"_ Andy all but yelled at him. _"You don't want that! You put your life on the line to stop people who make and sell that now you want to use it? No way in hell Sam Swarek"_ Andy yelled in anger as she turned and walked out the room, not missing the fact that Sam just lay there, frozen, eyes closed.

Andy left Sam's house in a torrent of fitful tears not realizing she still had his key in her hand until she tried to open her own apartment door with it.

The following night as the sun set Andy made her way across town towards Sam's house with every intention of putting his key back where she found it. But she couldn't. She saw his truck was gone from the driveway and knew exactly where he had gone.

Catching a cab over to where she had seen Sam get his stash from the night before she scanned the area as she prayed she was wrong.

Hanging around in the street unnoticed was not as hard as she thought it would be. People were so caught up in their own lives no one bothered with a lonely soul walking the street.

For two hours she paced and watched. Fumbling with the gun Boyd had given her in case she needed it she contemplated blowing the dealer away. Just walking up to him and pulling the trigger.

It wouldn't be the first life she had taken but in a way she felt he deserved it.

As she ran her fingers over the cold metal she remembered Sam's smiling face. Hardly what she saw last night. He was broken and she had caused it. She felt riddled with guilt by admitting the fact to herself.

He blames himself for killing me and I blame myself for turning him into a...a...junkie didn't sound right, crack head didn't seem to fit either. She shook her head to clear the thoughts out of it as she saw Sam exit the alley and make his way into a club across the street.

Taking a deep breath she followed him into the club as thunder and lightning began to rumble in the distance.

She was glad the place was dimly lit when she entered. She had no trouble finding him in the crowd but didn't want him to see her in a more sober state than he was last night.

She hung back, hidden in the shadows, and watched him order shots of whiskey one after the other for probably three hours before he got up off the bar stool patted his pocket to see if it still held it's hidden load before he made his way out the door.

Andy followed and hailed a cab giving him the address she sighed with a heavy heart knowing what he had in his pocket.

She unlocked the front door to Sam's house in silence and crept in much the way she had the night before. She was about to make her way up the wooden staircase when she heard a key in the lock.

_"Crap"_ she mumbled as she ducked in under the staircase to hide. She had beaten him back to his house.

He sauntered in obviously feeling the effects of the alcohol and made his way to the kitchen setting down the bag on the counter. He threw his keys down next to the bag before pulling a whiskey bottle out of the bag and making his way upstairs.

Andy drew in a deep breath as he climbed the stairs above her head. She waited a few minutes in an attempt to catch her breath before ascending the staircase.

What she saw when she got to the bedroom doorway was the worst sight she had ever seen.

Sam sat on the bed leaning over the bedside table snorting a line of something off the top of it.

******thanks for reading!**

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	5. Chapter 5

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**Chapter 5**

Andy moved silently into the room as she was at a complete and utter loss for words. She felt every ounce of her heart crumble and shatter at the sight of him...doing that.

She felt sick to her stomach at the sight. She felt scared at what he had done and what could happen to him. Scared that she could lose him to an addiction.

_"Sam..."_ She whispered as she stepped closer to see two more lines ready and waiting on the counter top.

_"You came"_ he smiled as he stretched out and lay back on the bed, his eyes never leaving her.

_"What?"_ She stammered out taken back by his words.

_"You came back. Knew he was selling good stuff"_ Sam mumbled.

_"So you took more to see me again?"_ She asked hesitantly.

_"Yes."_ Came the reply.

_"Sam you have to stop this...or...or I won't came back"_ she said hoping he would believe her.

_"Of course you will McNally coz you're only in my head"._ He said dryly.

_"Well stop anyway please"_ she begged.

_"No. It brings you back. I can at least have that". _

_"No Sam. You can't have that and you won't have this either"_ she found herself yelling as she took a step forwards, bent down and blew the white powder off the counter top and watched it billow down around Sam, coating the floor boards, the bed and whipping around them in the air, in a white cloud of destruction.

He lay staring at her almost not believing that she had just blown two lines of coke down around him. His face changed from disbelief to confusion as he stared at her bent over frame with raised eyebrows.

He hesitantly reached out a hand slowly towards her as he spotted the thin gold chain around her neck swinging back and forth from her movements. The chain she never took off.

Pulling his hand back as if he had been burnt he closed his eyes and flopped back down on the bed. As if he was clearing his mind of her image. He opened his eyes after a while to see nothing but an empty room and white powder strewn around him.

_"Get a grip. She's haunting you coz you killed her"_ he yelled out causing Andy to jump as she moved silently down the staircase.

As she closed the door and heard its soft click she let out a sigh of relief at having made it out before he touched her. As she stepped off the deck and crossed the street she felt the rain begin to pelt down around her. As her feet met the sidewalk on the other side of the street she turned around to take one last look at Sam's house before she left knowing she should never come back.

Closing her eyes as she turned and opening them she felt her heart stop as she saw Sam standing in the middle of the street in the pouring rain looking at her.

Really looking at her, and seeing her this time.

She felt the hot tears again mix on her cheeks with cold water as she turned around and ran. Stopping a few blocks away she tried to catch her breath as she listened for any ensuing footsteps. Letting out a sigh of relief when she heard none she made her way back to her apartment with a sense of dread.

He had seen her. She was right there. When he reached out to touch her he stopped too afraid that she would fade away. He closed his eyes and opened them and she was gone. Then he heard her footsteps on the stairs as he yelled out in frustration.

As if she had been startled by his outburst.

He jumped up off the bed and made his way downstairs to see the door inch closed. Pulling it open he saw her cross the street in the pouring rain before closing her eyes and turning to face him. She opened her eyes and saw him.

And then she ran.

Sam stood frozen to the spot in the middle of the street staring at her wet frame as she made a run for it. This was no cocaine induced daze he was in. He sobered the minute he heard her footsteps as if he was suddenly grounded from his high.

There she stood.

Then she was gone.

Running back inside he grabbed his phone and hit the speed dial.

_"Sammy!"_ Exclaimed the surprised voice on the other side.

_"Where is she?"_ He yelled unable to contain his anger.

_"Whoa Sammy. Who'd you lose?"_ Boyd asked trying to sound confused.

_"McNally, where the hell is she?"_ He yelled as he stormed around from room to room his patience wearing thin.

_"Sammy I know it's been tough buddy. But you know what happened. You know we found her body. It's at the morgue man"_ Boyd tried to sound sympathetic but knew Sam could see through his facade.

_"God Damn it Boyd! Where is she?" _

_"Sammy I'm sorry she's at the morgue till her funeral on Monday so go sleep it off ok"_ then the call ended. Sam looked at the phone before hurling it across the room where it shattered on impact when it hit the wall.

There was no way that she was a hallucination. He had seen her dripping wet and run away. That was real. Wasn't it?

He grabbed his keys and made his way out to his truck. If Boyd was hiding her in Toronto he knew almost every place to look. Surely if she was real he would find her in one of those places.

Sam spent hours driving around looking for Boyd's places that could be hiding Andy. He spoke to almost every contact he had out on the streets they all said the same thing.

Andy McNally was dead.

Feeling his hopes dwindle, Sam was left feeling stuck in a dark place. He felt alone. He felt lost. He felt foolish for believing his drug induced haze as being real. He could not find Andy and bring her back because she could not be brought back from the dead. He felt the need to escape. Clenching his hands around the steering wheel he made his way back across town in search of the one thing that could bring her back even if only for a while.

****** So finally Sam sees Andy, but... **

**I know, I know, you all want Sam to SEE Andy, but I promise things will heat up in the next chapter, and take one seriously unexpected turn of events from there, with a huge twist coming soon! So thanks for sticking with this fic, hope you're still enjoying it!**


	6. Chapter 6

Wow- you guys are awesome! Thanks for all the awesome reviews, please keep them coming!

As always- special thanks to Kelly2727!

**Chapter 6**

Andy stood in the shadows waiting. Surrounded by the fading darkness as a car's headlights moved off her, she thought how ironic things had become in their lives.

Sam turned to the one thing he tried the most to fight. Why he did, she had no idea, really, but he had.

And it was breaking her heart.

And as for her dad, she knew he was proud of her, and what she had achieved. But she also knew that she had broken his heart. She only hoped that Traci and the others were looking after him.

As the thought rolled around in her mind, she changed it to she knew they were looking out for him, and she knew they would be keeping a close eye on his drinking, if only for her benefit, even in her absence.

For that she was more than grateful.

The thought caused a small smile to grave her lips, as she shifted feet, still slammed firmly on the pavement, while her cold fingers fiddled with each other.

As for herself, well she was often told she was 'the life of the party' always being alive with smiles, and filled with laughter. Her bubbling personality spreading to those around her.

And now, now she was dead in the eyes of everyone- a distant memory to some, while a fathom of the imagination to Sam.

That thought caused her slight smile to turn into a fully-fledged frown, and she knew her eyes clouded over in sadness as the thoughts continued to flood over her.

She hoped she had scared Sam enough to keep him from coming back here. Keep him from giving himself an addiction she could only stand and watch him give in to. An addiction he seemed to have given up on fighting, and rather given in to.

When Andy was almost ready to give up and leave, after spending close to three hours standing in the dark, she saw Sam pull up his truck to the curb and climb out.

_"Damnit Sam"_ she sighed as she watched him go into the alley. Hailing a cab she took it straight to his house and again hid under the stairs as she waited for him to come home. She sat huddled on the floor knees drawn up close as she rested her chin between them.

_'So tired'_ she mused as she waited nervously.

The sound of glass breaking jolted her awake as the sudden noise reverberated through the silent, darkened house. Andy had fallen asleep hidden under the stairs, as if being where she was had given her enough comfort to find sleep, as it usually eluded her in the Boyd appointed apartment downtown.

Jumping up she stood in silence listening for more noises, or any other signs of live.

Any tell-tale sign of movement or presence in the house.

Deafening silence ensued.

Making her way up Sam's staircase she hoped he had come home and passed out without sticking more shit up his nose.

She found his bedroom door slightly ajar, having crept through his house with as much silent stealth as she could muster after the last time she was here, she didn't want to give him a heart attack or make him reach out and tough her to find out she was real while he was high.

That was something she wanted to do when Sam had both his feet firmly planted on the ground, his head clear of any stimulants.

A shock wave ripped through her at the thought- somewhere along the lines she had made the subconscious decision to tell Sam she was really still alive, without realizing she had in fact made the decision.

Silence was the only sound emanating from his room as she found herself pausing in realization outside the door.

Pushing the door open gently she peered in to see Sam lying face down passed out indeed on his bed. A smashed whiskey bottle graced the floor as the shards of glass lay littering the ember liquid. As she stepped closer she saw Sam's face contorted in a look of pain as his eyes rolled up in their sockets.

_"Sam?"_ She asked too hesitant to speak to the full extent of her voice.

Then she saw the white residue on the counter top before she looked back at Sam, drawing her eyes away from the sad reminder of his lost innocence in that department.

He was inhaling shallow breaths at an abnormal speed like his lungs wouldn't fill with air fast enough. His eyes still cast upwards as they struggled to focus.

_"Oh my God Sam"_ Andy yelled as realization set in. Sam was in the process of overdosing as she stood watching him.

Within seconds her brain reacted pushing all panicky thoughts out of her mind. She rushed over to the bedside table and grabbed what looked like a new phone and hit the contacts button. Finding the number she needed she hit the call button and waited as it rang.

_"Sammy you ok brother?"_ Oliver's sleepy voice came over the speaker.

_"Oliver you have to help Sam..."_ She cried when she heard his voice.

_"McNally? McNally what's wrong with Sam? Where are you?"_ the grogginess in his voice was replaced with concern. And something resembling pure panic.

_"At his house, oh God he's overdosing and I don't know what to do. I...what do I do?"_ Andy screamed hysterically into Oliver's ear.

_"Overdosing? McNally you stay put I'll be there now ok. I'll get Jerry and a medic or something. You make sure he's turned on his side and keeps breathing ok?"_ She could hear the panic in Oliver's voice as she heard him shuffling around at the other end of the line before the call was ended in her ear.

She dropped the phone and ran over to Sam, not realizing she had walked away while on the phone. She struggled at first to get him to roll but somehow she managed to find the strength. His breathing was coming out in sharp gasps and his pulse was racing like his heart was about to stampede out of his chest, and either implode or explode.

Suddenly shrilled ringing filled the room. Andy jumped off the bed to grab Sam's phone. The screen said Jerry so she answered with a soft hello.

_"Andy you ok? We're on the way ok. Hang in there. Is Sam still breathing?" _Jerry's last words came out so softly she hardly heard them.

_"Yeah"_ she mumbled making her way back over to the bed.

_"Ok Andy tell me what you see ok. I'll stay on the line till I get there but you have to talk me through it"_ Jerry said trying to keep his voice from shaking.

_"Um...he's breathing heavily. His pulse rate is so fast Jerry..."_ She broke off in tears.

_"Andy I know it's hard but you have to stay calm and tell me. You have to help me help Sam now ok?" _

_"Ok. I can do this. His ...um his pulse is really fast. His taking very quick shallow breaths. He's really sweaty. His hands are cold and clammy. But he feels really hot. Like he's burning up. He's starting to shake now...oh Sam... No...no..."_ Andy suddenly dropped the phone as a seizure ripped through Sam.

_"Andy! Andy pick up the phone"_ Jerry yelled hoping she would hear him.

At that instant Oliver came barrelling through the door and went straight over to Sam.

_"McNally get the phone. McNally phone. Now"_ he ordered as he brushed past her.

_"Hello"_ she said too afraid to speak.

"Andy what's happening?"

_"Oliver's here. He had some sort of seizure Jerry"_

"Andy get some cold wet towels and put them on him. Tell Oliver to strip him down get him in a cold shower if he can. I'll be there in a few minutes. He'll be ok Andy" Jerry disconnected the call without saying anything else, knowing that Oliver was there was reassuring enough that he could hang up the call.

Andy conveyed Jerry's message to Oliver who had Sam stripped down to his boxers in minutes and in a cold shower a few seconds later.

Andy just stood rooted to the spot not able to move or speak or breath as she watched Oliver.

Minutes later Jerry entered Sam's room calling for Oliver to bring Sam back to bed as he unpacked a bag of medicine on to the counter top that had housed the drug that was most likely killing him.

Oliver returned with a wet Sam and put him back on the bed while Jerry stepped forwards and crouched over his face lifting Sam's eyelids.

Moving to his unpacked bottles Jerry rummaged through them before stepping back over to Sam.

_"Sammy?"_ Jerry called slapping him through the face a few times. _"__Sammy you still with us brother?"_ He continued. _"Sammy here you gotta take this ok? It'll fix you up"_

That earned a groan from Sam.

_"Jerry what are you giving him?"_ Oliver asked amazed by Jerry's un-forgotten knowledge of what to do.

_"Just a little diazepam- Valium for the agitation, irritability and seizures. It'll help control the rapid heart rate and elevated blood pressure. Some Tylenol to help drop his temperature. In a few I'll give him some ipecac that will make him empty everything out again, hopefully empty his system. Then loads of water and orange juice to bring him down & keep him hydrated, and he should be able to sleep it off. We can't exactly take him to the ER." _

Andy's jaw hit the floor at Jerry's words. He knew exactly what to do and why wouldn't he want to take Sam to the ER?

_"Um...why not take him to the ER?"_ She asked in a rush of words.

_"So he doesn't lose his career over one mistake Andy. That would kill Sam more than you leaving did it's all he has left..."_ Jerry clamped his mouth shut as he realized what he said.

_"What? You knew I left?"_ Andy was shocked at the news.

_"McNally let's go find coffee while Jerry takes care of Sammy ok"_ Oliver ushered her out of the room trying to defuse the rising tensions in the room.

_"So you knew?"_ She asked as Oliver went about setting the coffee machine in action.

_"Yes. Look it was a need to know basis ok. Only Jerry and I know. We were there at the marina before you arrived in case you or Sammy ran into trouble."_ He had guilt in his voice as he spoke, it too marred his face.

_"How did you find Sammy?"_ Oliver posed the question as he set coffee down in front of them, following a few moments of awkward silence as Andy gathered herself after the initial shock of finding out that they knew she left.

The shock fused with a slight hint of anger at the fact that they had left Sam to his own devices, thus leaving them where they were now.

How had Oliver and Jerry missed Sam's catastrophic fall from grace?

_'Oh that's right; this is Sam Swarek, the man who hides himself to be someone else' _

Andy thought as the anger faded back to guilt. They would only have seen what Sam had wanted them to see.

Andy relayed the events of the last few days, tears brimming at every word she said.

_"How does Jerry know what to do?"_ Andy suddenly blurted out, as her natural nosy instinct took over.

_"Jerry had a brother, Tyler, a few years older. When their parents died, Tyler earned some cash running drugs for small time dealers. He got too caught up in it and went from a runner to a user and used to overdose every other week. Jerry learned what he needed to know to help Tyler, until one day Tyler overdosed when Jerry was at school. He came home to find Tyler dead". _

Whatever Andy was expecting, it was not that. No wonder Jerry chose to work so closely with any case Sam had or that Guns & Gang's brought into fifteen.

_"So what now?"_ She asked unsure of where they were left now.

_"Now we find a way to keep Sammy clean and get him through the withdrawal he'll have and we tell Boyd to fix your situation" _

_"So what? We hide Sam?"_ Andy was not getting his idea here.

_"No Andy we hide you and Sam. You're already in hiding so that's easy. Jerry and I'll set it up to look like Sam's gone out of town for a while. But none of us can go with him. You'll have to do it."_

_"No Oliver. I think I did this to him on the first place. What...what Jerry said upstairs is true it's my fault. I should have at least told him. Instead I left him to think that he killed me and put him on the path to self-destruction. How will he ever forgive me for that? I nearly killed him for real by letting him blame himself. Stupid!"_ She was ranting and raving but she didn't care. Her head found its way down into her hands as she suddenly went quiet after blowing off some steam in Oliver's ears.

_"Andy stop ok! It's not your fault. You had a hit on your head and it was do or die for you for real. Do you think Sam would have ever forgiven himself if you really died on his watch?" _

_"Oliver that's just it. He thinks I did. He thinks he let me die. He thinks I'm a coke induced hallucination of me when he's high. He thinks I'm dead and that's why he been taking the coke. To see me". _

_"Why Andy? Why do you think he's been doing that? You're a clever girl I'm sure you've figured that out by now?"_ Oliver had a smile plastered on his face that made Andy feel sick. How could he be smiling at a time like this? Was he crazy?

_"I don't know Oliver I really don't. But where are we going to hide Sam?"_

_"Oh I think I know the place"_ Oliver said still smiling as Andy rolled her eyes.

*******thanks for reading, don't forget to review!**

******* coming up next, is what everyone has been waiting for, so stay tuned for that! & how do you think it'll go?**


	7. Chapter 7

I love the reviews, thanks, you guys are awesome!

And thanks to everyone that has followed too!

Special thanks to Kelly2727 check out her fic's too!

**Chapter 7**

Oliver left and returned in less than an hour, with a map and a set of keys for Andy. He gave her directions, as he took her to pack a bag of her own clothes from her convert apartment, before returning them to Sam's house.

He piled bags of groceries into the back of Sam's truck along with her bag and the bag Jerry packed for Sam while they were gone. They got Sam dried and dressed as Jerry gave Andy instructions on what to do and what to expect.

Andy drove Sam's truck according to the map and pulled up outside the lake house just as the sun began to rise.

She lugged their groceries and bags in before returning to drag a hardly lucid Sam into the house.

She'd seen him slightly drunk in the past, but then Sam had always kept himself upright on his own two feet, now he was more like a willow tree bending in the wind, if it was under any other circumstances, she probably would have found some amusement in his stumbling antics.

Sam felt himself stirring against his better judgment. He had vague memories of a nightmare playing out in his mind's eye as he rolled onto his back and lifted a hand to run it over his face in an attempt to wipe away the sleepy feeling that still fell over him.

The weight of his arm along with the jostling of a chain made him snap his eyes open to see himself handcuffed to a chain, to a bed in a room he didn't know.

Sitting up he felt the room spin as a nauseous feeling pooled in his stomach, his head spun and his vision swam, throwing Sam in a disoriented confusion.

He had vague flashes of memories flood his mind. All mostly haunting images of Andy.

He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose as he reflected back trying to figure out where he was and who put him here. His mind came up blank. Void of any lucid clue to his current state of affairs, location or time frame.

He opened his eyes and shifted them around the dark room. As his eyes focused he saw a pair of eyes looking back at him.

Only they weren't looking, they were staring.

Those deep brown eyes looked at him bearing no trace of the fire he had once seen flicker in them.

Instead, they bore sadness and regret and fear as they looked at him now. They even faded from the bright sparkly copper brown they once were, to a dull, matt chocolate brown.

Almost black.

The eyes of Andy McNally were staring at him from a chair in the corner of the room, where she sat curled up with her feet under her just watching him. A large part of her face hidden behind a curtain of loose brown locks.

Andy's eyes stretched wide, as if she had been caught unexpectedly off guard.

Sam was at a total loss for words as he looked at her. He pinched his eyes closed and opened them to see her still sitting there watching him. A blank expression on her face, as her eyes remained fixed on him as she peered out from behind her hair.

A deafening, awkward silence filled the room as Sam looked at Andy in pure anger. He leaned forwards and opened his mouth to hear _"Get out"_ storm out of its own accord, before he could muzzle it.

Blinking back the tears Andy stood up silently from the chair, unfolding her legs, and letting her bare feet drift to the floor with a soft thud, she walked across the room and closed the door behind her as she left.

Sam was unsure of the torrent of emotions he suddenly felt, as they began to rip through his body. It was anger and sadness, happiness and hurt, but most of all it was fear - fear of the unknown.

Andy had expected a lot more than that when Sam finally woke up to himself. She had spent the last three days with him mostly in the bathroom as he hurled his lungs out, or lying on the floor holding his hand as cold shivers rifled his body. She spent hours forcing him to drink or eat something and forcing down the med's Jerry had given her to give him.

She expected him to be pissed like as in lose control pissed, that was why they had her cuff him to the bed.

_"Overdosing and withdrawal can result in anger and violence Andy. Sam has a temper, but don't be scared of him. You're the last person he'll lay a finger on believe me" Jerry had said as he handed her the cuffs. _

_"Just for safety in case De Silva finds you. Two vests two guns extra magazines, a map and so forth" Oliver had said as he handed her the black duffel bag. _

She was supposed to be scared of the unknown when they packed her off with Sam. But she wasn't.

Because he was there with her.

She had expected him to show his angry, dark, broody side when he saw her. She had expected a fit of rage and one hell of an outburst from him.

She had expected the Swarek wrath to reign down on her, but it was instead turned to disbelief and something like...rejection, for lack of a better word.

Sam's face was one she had never seen him wear before. It was one masking pain.

She felt his cold words as though they froze within her heart. They were empty words. No fire, no emotion, hell even no TO tone. Just empty. Was it even possible for something or someone to be full of emptiness? Wasn't that a conflict of epic proportions?

Full of emptiness?

Andy let the tears fall as she pulled the door closed and moved to the spare room. It was Oliver's lake house and was a beautiful two bedroom house on the waterfront, decorated in a homey, family way, with a view to match out over the crystal clear waters and green treeline.

Andy put Sam in the main bedroom as to be able to cuff him to the iron posts of the four post bed and took one of the twin beds in the kids room. Not that she slept.

Walking in to the large pink room Andy lifted a huge brown old fashioned teddy bear off the bed and hugged it to herself as she fell down on the covers and let the heartache she felt stream down her cheeks in liquid form.

For the first time in a week she cried herself out until she finally started to slip into slumber.

Sam sat in broken silence as she closed the door. He could hear her sob's echoing through the quiet house. His heart was torn in two- the piece that wanted to pull her in to a hug until she stopped crying and the piece that could not forgive her for what she had done. She had broken him and his heart and then came back to haunt him all those times he saw her.

Taking in his surroundings he saw the bottle of Tylenol next to the bed with the bottle of water. In a container sat a sandwich. Taking a closer look- he saw it was pastrami, cream cheese and olives.

One of his favourites.

Closing the container he pushed it away afraid his stomach would revolt against the solid food.

Closing his eyes he had one random thought fly into his mind- what if Andy had a reason to leave?

Suddenly he felt guilty for having reacted so harshly to her. He thought he knew her pretty well. Her reason for leaving would have to be a case of life and death for her to leave her dad and friends behind. And she obviously had help.

That wasn't a given right handed to just anyone, it was usually reserved for those who were in real danger. And for Andy to have had that kind of help, in her line of work, there was a real threat.

The kind of threat that poses a danger to your life.

So it was probably serious.

Serious enough for her to die in the eyes of the outside world.

But that does not justify it the other voice in his head argued.

But she did it. And she nearly killed me by doing it. The first voice said back.

But she didn't know how you feel. You didn't tell her. You didn't even admit it to yourself until a few days before everything happened. The voice of reason spat back.

But she's here now. Looking after you while you probably sobered up and had serious withdrawal symptoms. She looked after you, she begged you to stop but you wouldn't listen. The voice mused.

Why would she do that?

Did you see her face when you told her to leave? She's fighting her own inner battle. She looks like she hasn't slept in days. She's pale and skinny. But she's still here.

Alive, if that's what you could call the seemingly shallow remains of Andy McNally that he saw worn by a stranger.

The thoughts ravaged his mind sending a shock of emotions through his heart at the same time.

His mind waged a war with itself too, until he grabbed the Tylenol took two and washed it down with the bottled water before pulling the covers up over his head and attempted to shut out all logical thoughts as he forced sleep to descend on himself.

Sam woke up feeling physically better than he had the last time he consciously surfaced. It was still dark in the room indicating that he had slept through a whole day again or just a few hours, meaning it was early morning.

Feeling a presence in the room he knew she was there before he saw her sitting in the chair watching him, mirroring her position from earlier.

He sat up and rubbed the back of his hands over his eyes as he tried to focus them on her still sitting frame.

She had the deer caught in the headlights look on her face again, as she was obviously not intending on getting caught watching him sleep.

She stood up in silence and walked out the room without even looking at him again.

Quietly she pulled the door closed behind her retreating frame before the sobs could be heard through the silence, even though she tried to suppress the heart-breaking sounds from becoming audible.

Sam's heart was breaking knowing that he was the reason she was crying. He hated it when she cried and wanted nothing more than to comfort her and make whatever made her cry go away. But now, how was he going to do that when he was the cause.

_"McNally"_ he called out. His voice croaking from disuse.

Silence.

_"McNally I know you can hear me"_ he called his voice sounding steadier.

Hearing her footsteps draw nearer he was glad she came. She entered the room arm's wrapped around herself her head hung low.

_"Yeah Sam"_ she said standing just inside the doorway. Barely speaking louder than breathing.

_"Um... can I ask you something?"_ He was hesitant to speak but knew this was the only way he could begin to wrap his mind around everything.

She nodded in silence. Not trusting her voice.

_"Why?" _

_"Why what Sam?"_

_"Why did you... leave?"_ Me, he added on in silent thought.

That question snapped her head up to reveal tear stained cheeks and red rimmed eyes.

_"What?"_ She couldn't believe her ears. The first calm words he decides to say to her in five days and he asks that question_. "I didn't have a choice Sam"_ she said as sadness crept into her voice.

_"Bullshit McNally, there is always a choice. There is always another option. You had to leave in that way? You had to die in front of my eyes and all you can say is you didn't have a choice?"_ He was standing pacing the floor as his words came out louder and harsher by the end of his speech.

His chains jostling harshly with his exaggerated movements.

Andy felt guilt run through her as she saw the anger flash in his eyes.

And he said that word. He told her she did the one thing she promised herself she would never do- leave.

_"I didn't have a choice ok. I didn't make the decision."_ She managed to choke out.

_"Don't give me that crap! Why did you have to do it that way Andy? Can you at least give me one good reason as to why you had to make everyone believe that you died that day?" _Sam turned to face her, sincerity in his eyes. He was really trying to understand.

_"Ray De Silva put a hit out on me ok. He wanted revenge on my dad for killing his only son on some bust gone wrong. The kid pulled a gun on my dad's stupid rookie and my dad shot him. De Silva got paroled and came looking for me"._ She yelled as if trying to justify her actions to herself.

Sam stared at her blankly as his mind rolled over her words. Stepping back he took a seat on the edge of the bed shaking his head at the realization he made.

He was the reason she had a hit on her head. He was the stupid rookie that forgot to load his gun. He was the stupid rookie that Tommy McNally killed a kid to protect.

In simple terms it was his fault.

_"Sam?"_ Andy saw his sudden change in attitude resolve to that of a scolded child as he looked at her with dark eyes.

_"Go Andy"_ he said softly. _"Get out"_ he said louder in case she missed it the first time.

She left this time slamming the door behind her and leaning against it as silent tears brimmed over. She heard Sam jiggle his chains as he made his way over to the bathroom before she heard him loose the minimal contents of his stomach.

As mad as she was at that moment she couldn't leave him to suffer alone. She opened the door and made her way into the bathroom where she sat behind Sam huddled over the toilet and rubbed his back. She had learned over the last few days that he found the action calming and soothing.

When he slumped against the floor and leaned against the wall Andy moved up off the floor and returned with the bottle of water. She held it out to him and he took it hardly believing what she had done. She reached out and took it back from him, leaving it on the basin's counter top, before turning and leaving closing the door behind her once again.

She returned to find him lying on the bed shivering his eyes clamped tightly closed. She walked over and put the dry toast and black tea down on the bedside cabinet before making her way to the bathroom and came out with a wet face cloth. She proceeded to fold it before she put it down gently on his forehead. As she turned to leave she was startled when Sam reached out and grabbed her wrist.

****** okay, so I suppose you all want to kill me right about now...sorry!**

**Don't forget to review!**


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks for still following this fic, keep the awesome reviews coming! You guys rock my world! Thanks for all the fav's & follows too & welcome to all the newbie readers!

Special Thanks to Kelly2727!

**Chapter 8**

_"Um...The Tylenol are empty, got anything else?"_ He asked with pleading pain wrapped around his face.

Andy shook her head no, not trusting her voice to keep from betraying her dirty little secret of a hidden stash.

Jerry had given her the remaining coke Sam had in his pockets in case his withdrawal became too bad. She didn't want to take it and was repulsed by the thought of actually handing it over to Sam.

Never gonna happen!

"It's like in a rehab centre Andy. They issue small quantities to wean the addict off it when it becomes too much. Take it you might need it".

She was determined that Sam would not need it and she would not give it to him.

_"Anything? Not even a whiskey?"_ Sam's voice was shaky and she could see that he was going to have another bad night.

_"No Sam nothing. You need to forget it. Even if I had I wouldn't hand it over"_ she said as she pried her wrist free and backed away.

_"I can't just forget it Andy. It's like a craving your body won't forget"_ he said with a heavy sigh.

_"Then we'll talk ok"_ Andy moved over to her chair in the corner and sat down.

_"Talk? You seriously think talking will make it go away?" _Sam couldn't hide the amusement lacing his tone at her blatant allergy to silence.

_"It helped before. When you weren't so lucid"_ she said flatly.

_"Oh yeah? What did we talk about?"_

_"You told me some of your rookie days stories. You told me more about Sarah and her family. We talked about your mom..."_ Andy trailed off.

He knew he must have been pretty wasted to talk about personal stuff. But then again, this was Andy McNally.

_"Yeah? What did I say?"_ Sam asked as another tremor made him shake.

Soon they were involved in light conversation. They talked and laughed the minutes into hours, until Sam dosed off as Andy sat watching him. She could do that for hours on end. Just sit and watch him sleep.

Andy woke to the sunlight streaming in through the open curtains still curled up in her chair in the corner.

Her feet were still clad silently under her, and her head rested on the back of the high sitting back rest. At least it was a comfortable chair.

She looked over at Sam to see him watching her with great interest.

_"Um...sorry"_ she muttered as she stood up and stretched. Embarrassment clearly visible on her cheeks.

Sam just smiled a genuine, real, dimpled grin at her sudden embarrassment as she started to bite on her bottom lip and her hand gently tugged on a strand of hair.

It was the first time she had seen a dimpled smile since the day of the accident. Her heart gave a small leap at the realization that Sam was flashing it at her.

_"Um...you hungry? Feeling better?"_ She rambled out, her words tumbling out over each other. Sam just nodded yes in answer. He had missed her nervousness. He had missed her smile. He had missed her.

Andy made her way out the room stopping in the doorway to flash him a smile back before making her way to the kitchen.

Sam was glad that whoever helped Andy get him here, had the common sense to make his imprisoning chain long enough to reach the bathroom.

The minute Andy was out the door, Sam made his way to grab some clean clothes and have a shower. Letting the water run, steam billowed out filling the bathroom with white fog, and clouding the mirror from showing the reflection of a broken man. Himself.

Grabbing a quick shower, Sam dressed before moving over to the fully mirrored wall above the basin. Wiping away the misted up condensation, Sam was found with an image far from his usual reflection.

He looked like crap!

Making his way back to his bed, now shirtless, Sam thought it how ironic that he had to literally rip his shirt off in order to free it from the chain.

It was either that, or call Andy in to do it.

A sudden thought clouded his mind, how had he gotten into clean clothes since he had been here? Aside from the overgrown stubble on his face, he was relatively clean so that meant changes of clothes. And he could have sworn he had on a white T-shirt the other day, when he remembered waking up the next morning in a navy blue one.

That meant...

Surely not?...

Well apparently so, if his clothes were changing and he wasn't doing it that left only one person...

Andy came back half an hour later wearing a mega smile that lit up her whole face.

Sam still lying on his bed propped up against the headboard, smiled at seeing her looking more relaxed since his improved condition began.

_"Um... Can you make me a promise?"_ She asked wiggling a small set of keys in front of Sam's face.

_"Depends what it is McNally."_ Sam said raising an eyebrow.

_"Um...you have to behave. No getting angry, no tantrums and no running off. And get a shirt on"_ she said with hesitancy radiating in her voice.

_"That, I can do if you make me a promise?"_ Sam said as he sat up.

_"What?"_ She asked rolling her eyes at his need to always be one step ahead of her.

_"You won't run and you won't die on me again"_ his face was serious. His TO face.

_"I promise"_ she said as she unlocked the handcuffs.

Sam stood watching her work with the utmost tenderness. He had imagined images of her cuffing him to an iron bedpost. But this was not what he had in mind when he imagined those images.

_"You coming?"_ She asked halfway out the door already before his thoughts drifted back from his own perverse daydreams.

They ate in silence at the kitchen island seated on the high stools that fitted perfectly in the kitchen.

Andy poured them coffee when they were done cleaning up and handed Sam his before moving to sit on the single couch that graced the corner of the lounge.

Sam stood leaning against the kitchen counter watching her. She was always watching him. Watching his every move as if she was waiting for something or watching out for something. She permanently had these over thinking looks on her face. Like she wanted to say something but couldn't broach the subject.

Moving over to sit across from her he set his coffee down on the table and looked at her.

Really looked at her.

_"Say it!"_ He suddenly blurted out.

_"Say what?"_

_"Whatever you have wanted to say since I woke up. Whatever has been causing you to wage a war. I can see it written all over your face McNally. So spit it out before it starts eating you alive" _

_"Um...I don't think that's such a good idea"_ she said deciding against saying what she desperately wanted to.

_"Andy look at me! You see this"_ he said motioning to himself. _"This is what happens when you keep things bottled up. This is what happens when you let something eat you from the inside out. This is what happens when you're honest with yourself a little too late"_ his shoulders sagged as he finished his soft rant.

_"Sam that is what happened because of what I did. Because I left you to believe that you killed me on your watch. Because I ..."_ She trailed off not sure of what to say.

Taking a deep breath she continued

_"Why Sam? Why knowingly put yourself on the road to self-destruction? Why turn to an addiction you fight so hard every day to keep off the streets? Can you tell me that?"_ She was battling to keep her voice steady as she spoke.

_"The blow?"_ Sam asked shuddering at the mere mention of the word.

She nodded in silent affirmation.

_"That was me replacing one addiction with another. I couldn't deal with the guilt and looked for an escape. That's where I found it. Stupid I know but it was the only thing that numbed the pain for a while. Then you showed up. I did more lines to get you to come back thinking you were a side effect from the blow"._ Sam let his words hang between them as he stared at Andy gouging her reaction. The pain on her face made him want to stop but he knew if he did the subject may never be broached again.

_"What addiction did you replace Sam? I'm so sorry I made you feel that guilty about losing your partner on your watch. I never thought it would be that bad."_ She felt stupid asking him what addiction he had but as far as she knew he wasn't that kind of guy.

_"Seriously McNally? You think it was my reaction to losing someone on my watch? You think I did the worst thing I could find to do because I lost someone on my watch?"_ He billowed out as he stood up pinching the bridge of his nose, frustration radiating off him.

Andy watched him with wide eyes as his irritation became evident. Without realizing it she pulled back in her chair as if she was shrinking away from him almost as if in fear.

Sam froze as he saw her shrinking away into the nestled pillows of the couch. She all but clambered into it, hiding in the material. Without thinking Sam lunged forwards towards Andy and braced an arm on either side of her resting his hands palms down on the broad arm rests. Andy let out an involuntary yelp at his sudden movement as he came to stand towering over her.

Sam sucked in a deep breath as he saw the fear in her eyes before she covered it up as quickly as she showed it involuntarily.

She was scared of him. Scared he would hurt her. Where the hell did this come from? Never had she pulled away from him when he moved in to her personal space. It was more like she would lean in towards him instead, until now. What had changed? Sam felt that, that was the single worst moment of his life. Ok maybe the second worst after hearing Nash's words at the Penny. Not the time he shot a kid. Not the time he thought he watched her die, not even the aftermath of Sarah's attack.

That right there- the woman he was hopelessly and irrevocably in love with wearing a look of fear on her face, fear that he would hurt her- that was the single most horrifying moment of his life.

_"Say it"_ He breathed loudly to her.

A moments silence followed as Andy's eyes widened even more.

_"Say it!"_ Sam yelled, his warm breath caressing her face.

He saw the question rise in her eyes, the question of what he wanted her to say.

_"Say you're scared Andy"._ This time the words came out as a whisper, as a look of disgust crept over Sam's face.

Just as quickly as he leaned in he pulled away causing Andy to jump again at his sudden movements.

_"Damnit McNally you don't have to look at me like that! You seriously don't think I would hurt you? Or do you?"_ Sam yelled as he stepped back raising his hands up in surrender.

With that he was gone.

Andy heard the bedroom door slam before she ran her hand through her hair and felt her teeth biting into her lip harder than was probably necessary.

No! It was not that she was scared of Sam. It was that she was scared of herself with Sam.

Jumping up from the couch she made her way to Sam's room and flung the door open without bothering to knock.

_"No."_ She blurted as she stepped in to the room.

_"No? You want to tell me no you're not scared of me? Damnit McNally I saw you pull away. I get it ok. You don't need to explain yourself to me" _

_"What? No Sam you've got it all wrong. I'm not scared of you, I'm scared of me! It's stupid I know."_ She looked up to find him still staring out the widow not paying any attention to her.

Feeling her resolve slip away she casually mumbled a _"never mind"_ before going back to her coffee on the table. Picking the now cold liquid up she stared at the mug before she flung it across the room hurling it in to the furthest wall. It's contained liquid contents now splashed over the white wall before slipping down in drops to the floor where it nestled itself nicely between the broken bits of blue stained glass that lined the dark wooden like tiles.

The sudden crash sent waves of panic through Sam as he ran into the lounge catching sight of Andy sitting on the floor surrounded by broken glass and spilled coffee.

_"Andy?"_

_"Just go away Sam. Look I get it ok. I've totally got it now. You hate me and blame me for your downward spiral into self-destruction. I did not pull away because I'm scared of you Sam; I pulled away because of scared of me. I'm scared of what I did to you, leaving us in the bad place we're in now. I'm scared that if I leave once, I'll have to do it again, or I'll want to do it again. You said that you replaced one addiction with another well if it's done so easily maybe I should just go ahead and do the same thing! Maybe I should just go ahead and replace you with another one. Maybe I should just go..."_ Andy fell short of words as she grew angry at herself for just not being able to let it go.

_"Andy stop"_ Sam said as he moved over to sit next to her on the floor. His hand moving over one of hers to still the trembling motions she made in an attempt to pick up the shards of glass.

_"Why Sam? What's the point?"_

_"Well to start with I wouldn't appreciate being replaced. You really don't get it at all do you?" _

_"Sam, what is there left to get?" _

_"Me Andy, just me". _

Sam's words made Andy's drooped head snap up as she stared at him in confused silence.

_"What? I mean...I dunno what I mean! What?...what do you mean?"_ Andy was rambling, her voice mirroring the confused thoughts in her mind, as the words rumbled over her lips.

_"Not now Andy, soon"._ Was all Sam said as he stood up off the floor and made his way back to the bedroom he found solace in.

Andy cleaned up the mess in the lounge, before heading down the hallway to grab a shower.

She lay down on the twin bed, Sam's words rolling around in her brain as she tried to make sense of them.

Clutching the oversized teddy bear she gazed out the window, watching the distant lightning streak across the skies from her darkened room.

She had left the outside lights on as a precaution since they had been here. Soon the light fall of raindrops were visible as they streaked down the window pains in a light pitter patter, lulling Andy into a restless sleep.

Sam woke to the loud crackle-bang and a flash of light as the thunder rolled through the room.

Quietly getting off the bed, he made his way into the kitchen to get some water.

Retrieving a glass he turned the faucet and let the clear coloured liquid fill the glass.

Staring at it for a moment, he compared the clear liquid to that of the murky waters that swallowed Andy days prior.

The dark, murky, cold liquid had enveloped them in the icy clutches of death, when this clear liquid in his hand bought the quench of thirst and even life, some new, some saved from the doorstep of death.

The comparison was staggering.

Whirling around as thunder rolled and lightning lit the darkened room in a blue etch Sam noticed the black duffel bag nestled on the floor next to the front door.

Curiosity gripped him and soon he strode over, leaving the half drank glass of water on the kitchen counter.

Unzipping the bag Sam reached in and pulled out a few loaded magazines, and lay them silently down on the wooden floor next to the bag. Next he pulled out two vests, as the severity of Andy's situation gripped his mind.

As the lightning lit the entry hall, Sam noticed a small bag of white powder that had fallen out the bag and came to rest on the dark floor boards between his sock clad feet.

Picking it up, Sam immediately knew what it was.

The left overs Jerry and Oliver obviously packed in for Andy when they packed the bag. For emergency use they probably told her. If his withdrawal became too much to bare.

For her to bare.

Sam stared at the white powder nestled between his fingers, feeling the slightest pull of temptation tug at him.

Gently tilting the bag to the side, Sam got lost in the awe of watching the powder slide from side to side, as he tipped it back again.

Memories of a calm, relaxed almost floating like feeling surged through his body as he stared at the bag. As though his body went into self-proclaimed flying at the mere sight of it. Reliving it's earlier feelings of weightlessness, lost in whirlpool of memory induced highs lived through in the past.

Sam stood up slowly, his eyes never leaving the powder as his fingers nimbly caressed the soft plastic of the bag.

******** I know, but I had to give you all something to wait for in the next chapter. **

**Don't forget to review...please?**


	9. Chapter 9

Wow, you guys have knocked my socks off again! Thanks for all the awesome reviews & follows!

You guys rock my world, so please keep doing it!

Special thanks to Kelly2727 as always!

**Chapter 9**

Sam shook the contents of the bag and watched as the white powder slipped from side to side, his mind flooding with memories, amongst other thoughts.

One thought crossed his mind, suddenly urging his body and mind to fight the temptation that was now enticing him.

One thought expelled all other need or want, desire or craving for the contents of the bag.

One thought of another addiction, a more powerful need, and want, crossed Sam's mind.

He turned and made his way back to his room before emptying the powder into the toilet bowl, and flushed it away.

Still clutching the small, now empty bag in his hand, he made his way to the room that Andy slept in, pausing only when he reached the doorframe, the door left slightly ajar.

Leaning against the frame Sam stood watching her, her face softened as she lay facing the doorway in slumber.

Her chestnut hair fanning out over the pillows as her head nestled gently on them, shrouding her in a dark halo.

A light tint to her cheeks, Sam watched in fascination as his true addiction lay sleeping.

Closing his eyes Sam took a deep breath, as he rested his head back against the frame.

How could he have done the one thing he was hell bent on stopping?

How could he do that to himself?

To her?

In front of her?

He knew she had seen him do it, even though at the time he thought she was an induced hallucination.

Would she ever forgive him?

Would she...

_"Sam? S... No! No!"_

Andy woke at feeling his presence in the room.

Opening her eyes, she saw him resting his head against the doorframe, eyes closed, lost in thought.

Until she sat up and took in his figure properly.

In his hand was that small plastic bag, the one she had denied knowledge of.

Now he looked as though the doorframe was holding him up, while he surfed the skies of another drug induced high.

He had found it, and had...

And had...

And had...what Andy? Too scared to say it?

Her brain couldn't wrap itself around the thought.

Used it.

Sniffed it or snorted it or whatever the hell they call it.

He had...

_"Sam? S... No! No!"_ The words were out her mouth as she jumped up off the bed moving to stand in front of Sam as his eyes snapped open to see the fire dancing in hers.

The fire he had seen previously vacant from her orb's, only now they looked more alight with rage.

_"Andy..."_

_"No! No!... You... No!...how could you Sam?"_ The tears halted all legible speech as they broke free as Andy turned to the side in an attempt to flee.

Sam saw the shocked, hurt look on her face as she spun to move away.

Without thought he reached out and grabbed her arm, pulling her back before seeing the look of shock and hurt turn to one of fear and panic, before being covered up by the most sad look he had ever seen grace her features.

Without warning her free hand planted its mark across his cheek, before she gasped at her own actions and stepped back, as he slowly released his hold on her, dropping his hand to his side.

_"Andy..."_

_"No Sam! Don't ever touch me again!"_ She screamed at him removing the deafening silence from the room.

_"Andy No! I di..."_

Sam followed her as she moved out the room towards the black duffel he had started unpacking.

_"You what Sam? Couldn't help yourself? Couldn't resist? Just had to get a fix? Had to give in to the craving you just can't resist?"_ Her screaming continued as she rummaged through the bag.

Pulling out a phone, Andy hit a few buttons before lifting it to cradle it against her ear, as her other hand moved to wipe away a flood of tears with shaking fingertips.

_"Yeah McNally, the one addiction I can't fight, the one addiction that leaves me craving more, the one addiction that crumbles every time I look at you.." _Sam cut his words off as Andy's voice rang out into the phone, her ears paying no attention to what he was saying.

_"Oliver! I can't do this. I'm done, I want out now."_ Andy's voice cut through Sam's, her tone as cold as the murky waters that swallowed her in the marina.

"No Oliver...No! You send someone else to do this…I don't care okay, send Chris or Dov for all I care…I don't care if it's 3am when they get here, Oliver please..." Andy words died as she slammed the bedroom door closed and Sam heard the lock slip in place.

Instead the eerie silence was filled with the muffled sobs he heard from behind the locked door, when her voice stopped talking to Oliver.

_"Andy please!"_ Sam said knocking on the door. His voice desperate to explain.

Silence.

_"I didn't do it". _

Silence.

_"Andy, do you trust me?"_ Sam took a small step back as she suddenly flung the door open to stare at him with red rimmed eyes and tear marred cheeks.

_"Trust you? Trust you? Sam I don't even KNOW you"_ the words filled out in a soft whisper before she slammed and locked the door again.

That stung.

No, that hurt.

Painfully.

Sam walked into the lounge and sat on the couch waiting.

Waiting for her to open the door.

Waiting to see if someone else came.

Just waiting.

_"Sir? Sir?"_ a familiar voice filled Sam's dreams pulling him closer to the surface.

His eyes snapped open to see a very awkward pair of dark eyes looking back at him.

Attached to a male face.

And male voice.

That belonged to Chris Diaz.

_"Um..."._ Sam sat up straight looking around as if in search of any signs that she was still here, as he rubbed a hand roughly over his face in an attempt to wipe away the remains of sleep.

_"She left Sir"._ Chris answered as he watched Sam search the room.

It was almost light outside, so he must have fallen asleep on the couch waiting.

And she left.

Gone.

Again.

Only this time she had fled willingly, run away and would undoubtedly not be coming back.

Sam gave Chris a sad nod of thanks before moving back to the room dubbed his for now, before softly closing the door behind him.

Sam threw himself down on the bed, his heart weighing heavy with the thought of how badly things had gone.

He should have tried harder to explain.

He should have fought harder to convince her.

He should have told her.

Now once again she slipped through his fingers without even knowing...

The feeling was worse than when he had thought she was pulling away from him, scared.

It reminded him of the day at the marina, the helplessness he felt.

Only worse, now that they had finally begun to find their footing, one small marginal factor had gone and blown the whole common ground scenario out the window.

Thinking back to the night in his house when Andy saw him, Sam felt his stomach tie itself up in knots.

The look on her face when she woke up was one worse than that night. It simply looked like total and utter devastation.

Heartbreak.

Andy had sobered him up, stayed with him through his withdrawal, and had never once looked at him with disgust filling her eyes.

Never expecting anything, she was giving and taking nothing in return for herself.

There was no contempt, no disappointment, only compassion, and the occasional flashes of sorrow and then anger.

He was really beginning to think that there was something there, from her side anyway. He knew there was something on his side, and hoped that what he was reading from Andy was really there, and not because he wanted to see it there.

And then she called it, and fled.

But Sam could not find it in himself to really blame her.

She reacted on instinct and emotion, so how could that be wrong?

She had every right to run, to want to run.

Sam opened his eyes to a semi dark room.

Realization dawned on him, as his eyes focused. He'd slept for 12 hours or more.

Again giving in to the emotional exhaustion that had tired him out, he had unwillingly fallen asleep. His thoughts of Andy had lulled him into a fitful sleep; his every waking moment consumed with thoughts of her, and his dreams in sleep were no different.

A soft tapping on the door pulled him out of the fogginess.

_"Sir, I... have dinner"_ Chris' strained voice rang through the door.

_"Come in Diaz"_ Sam called as he moved to sit on the edge of the bed attempting to regain full composure.

Chris slowly opened the door before walking into the room brandishing a glass of milk and some sort of sandwich as skilfully as a silver service waiter.

_"Um...it's not much..."_ Chris moved to set the food and milk down on the bedside table as he noticed the now appreciative nod Sam gave him.

Chris never met Sam's gaze, pointing out to Sam that he was either not happy to be here under the circumstance, or he was unhappy about the state of his friend, although he had only discovered that she was still alive.

_"Um...Sir..."_ Chris stammered as he looked up at Sam before a loud bang filled the air, shaking the ground, before a billow of smoke and small particles flew into the room forcefully enough for Sam to slip off the bed and Chris to hit the ground panic written on his face.

As the heavy particles and debris in the air began settling down on them Chris let out _a panic filled yell as he attempted to climb to his feet. _

_"Andy!"._

******** Thanks for reading! Don't forget to leave your mark, by leaving a review!**


	10. Chapter 10

As always, thanks to all the awesome readers for spending their time in my world & leaving the most amazing reviews!

Thanks to the awesome Kelly2727 too!

**Chapter 10**

_"Andy..."_

Hearing her name made Sam's heart stop.

_"Diaz?"._ Sam snapped his eyes to that of the younger officer as fear etched his face.

_"Sir, Andy never left, she's still in the house, and that was an explosion". _

Sam and Chris were on their feet and moving towards the door, Chris had his gun drawn as they stepped through the doorway into the black billowing smoke that suddenly seemed to be filling the house.

Watering eyes and muffled coughs emitted loudly from them as Sam pulled Chris down towards the ground before motioning forwards.

_"Andy"_ the soft whisper came out of Chris before he could help himself, as they scurried along the floor towards the Shaw girls' room.

The smoke had grown so thick, that visibility was below zero.

It hung in the air like a vile barrier

The dark thick air began to blur their vision as involuntary eye watering began, and their throats began to burn with each inhaled breath. Their need for air was however greater than the scalding breaths they inhaled repeatedly.

_"Andy"._ Sam suddenly yelled out loudly as a thought caused his heart to plummet straight into the gates of hell.

They were here.

For her.

They were burning them out, to get them out, or burning them inside.

It didn't matter.

They were here to kill her.

And anyone who tried to stand in their way between them and Andy.

_"Andy"_ Sam's voice carried the same sense of urgency it did the night it carried out over the water, as he called out again when her response was only silence.

Shifting along the floor, Sam tried to pick up his crawling pace as he made his way blindly through the house.

_"Sa..."_ Her voice was cut off by a strangled cough.

_"Andy"._ Sam's voice was now fierce as he crawled through the house on the floor in desperation. But somewhere in his tone was a sense of relief at hearing her voice.

_"Room..."_ Andy choked out.

Sam's hand suddenly hit something warm as it slid along the floor, before he saw a flash of her white tank top and chestnut hair through blurry eyes and dense smoke.

Feeling its own way, his hand felt it's was up her hand, to her arm, and kept traveling upwards. It found her shoulder, and eventually her cheek, that he felt was wet.

More wet than it should have been from her watering eyes.

_"Andy?"_ Sam whispered unable to see through his own burning eyes now flooded with their own tears to in a bid to expel the smoke fused in them.

_"I'm ok, something...hit head...its bleeding"_ Andy stammered out.

_"Shit"._ Sam said his hand searching for a wet spot.

_"I'm ok, we have to go". _

_"You stay right next to me okay? Diaz move into the smoke, towards the front door". _

_"Sir, the kitchen is on fire, and that side of the house ..."_ Chris' voice cut off as the loud crackling of the flames consuming everything in its path stated the obvious.

_"I know, smoke is cover right now, they're smoking us out the back so we go out the front. We need the bag, at the door"._ Sam gave Andy a gentle nudge towards the front door, before squeezing her hand in silent promise, before she moved away following Chris she scooted in front of Sam, staying where he could see her.

Loud shots rang through the air from outside, giving the three figures on the floor a glimmer of hope as they kept moving towards the door.

_"Diaz, check the front"_ Sam said as they neared the door. Andy tucked safely behind him.

Chris peered through the remainder of the front door window, which was now only odd pieces of glass holding on the frame.

The once beautiful arched stained glass window now only specks of colour nestled in the wood.

_"Looks clear sir, blue lights ahead. Looks like Officer Shaw?". _

_"Okay, open the door, stay low". _

Chris opened the door hesitantly causing a funnel of smoke to pull up past their heads out into the open.

Oliver and Dov stormed the stairs and met Chris as he came barrelling out first gasping for air, as Andy followed and then Sam.

_"Diaz, grab vests in the cruiser"_ Oliver motioned to Sam and Andy noticing they were not wearing any, although Chris had the sense to keep his on. The front of the house now engulfed with red flames, as they licked up to the ceiling of the hallway, ruling out the option of them retrieving the duffel bag inside that held theirs.

Nodding Chris moved down the stairs and turned just in time to see the house lights flicker before plunging them onto sudden darkness, the only light radiating from the growing flames that engulfed the house.

Andy took a step away from Sam, Oliver and Dov in a bid to inhale clean, smoke free air, as she put her hands on her hips and leaned forwards letting out a spluttered cough as her lungs filled with fresh air.

She was vaguely aware of the light flickering, before going out, as she tried to inhale another breath that burnt its way down into her lungs.

She was vaguely aware of Chris' gaze on them, as if he was seeing something from his angle that they were blatantly missing.

As Andy stood up straight and turned to see what had caught Chris' attention, the three men standing on the wooden deck came into view as her body turned to face theirs.

Then Andy was suddenly aware of Sam's sudden panic filled face, his eyes stretching wider than she had ever seen.

So too did Oliver's, his face clouding over in realization of something everyone else was unaware of, well except for Sam.

And Dov's face, well that was one of boyish confusion.

Andy barely registered anything other than trying to concentrate on her laboured breathing, as Sam suddenly took two heavy steps towards her before she felt intense pressure on her chest, followed by the ground slipping out from under her feet before her back made impact with the gravel of the driveway below the steps as she slid painfully on the rough gravel before coming to an abrupt holt.

Sam had shoved her backwards so hard that Andy had the air in her lungs suddenly escape with a loud oomph as she hit the gravel.

Gasping for air, as she tried to re-fill her lungs, she looked up disbelief written all over her face at Sam's sudden actions.

He had wordlessly just stalked over to her and pushed her with such force on her chest that she sprawled out on her backside.

Blinking a million miles a second, Andy shook her head to physically clear the furious thoughts that flew into her mind, and hold back the tears that once again threatened to fall.

Staring at Sam, Andy heard the distant rumble of something before the earth shook and another loud explosion racked through the air.

Andy lay sprawled on the gravel as she watched the front door fly off its hinges, and the remaining windows glass became airborne as glass ploughed through the air, in a display of shimmering red, orange and blue, a reflection sparkling off the flames.

Sections of the roof tiles lifted, and wooden panels pulled apart from the deck. Paint began to bubble on the outside wall, before melting and dripping down to lather whatever lay beneath it.

Red flashes pulled into the air before changing into a thick smoke that made its way to the cloudless skyline, drawing random patterns in the night sky.

Then Andy watched in silence as the earth opened up and swallowed the three figures still standing on the deck, before a pile of rubble tumbled to grace the space the figures had just occupied.

A layer of timbers, tiles, bricks and wood now replaced the human figures that had stood there frozen seconds before.

The whole scene unfolded in silence as Andy's ears deafened from the loud explosion, her ears ringing from the force of the noise as it carried out into the silent night air.

She sat horrified as she watched the house tumble down on them, causing another heavy cloud of debris to fly her way as she battled to find her footing in an attempt to stand, partly from loss of balance now that her ears were ringing, and partly from pure shock and horror.

Andy's heart hammered so loudly in her ears as she watched the ground race up towards her as her legs crumbled from underneath her. The staggering sound of heartbeats now replacing the ringing.

It was the only sound she heard as she stumbled forwards, her hand shooting forwards to restrict her fall, only for her hand to feel dulled pain shoot through it as it grazed heavily over the course gravel that dug in to tender skin as it met the ground.

It was the only sound she heard as her knees joined her hands in hitting the ground, sliding an inch forwards on the loose, tiny stones.

It was the only sound that mingled with the wetness covering her face.

It was the only sound she heard until she heard herself screaming, although she could not her own words.

She felt it rather than heard it. A low rumble beginning in the pit of her stomach, before rising up to her chest causing it to clamp down around her heart and squeeze until she thought she felt it stop beating. Then the sound vibrated in her throat, before it reverberated off her tongue, and over her lips, filling the air.

Her own screams were the only sounds she heard, as her eyes relayed the images to her brain almost in slow motion.

Strong hands gripped Andy around her waist as she stumbled to her feet and tried to run forwards towards the crumbled remains of the burning house.

She fought and clawed at them as she tried to break free of their iron grasp on her. Fighting them with all the strength she possessed. She twisted and turned, but they were too strong as they eventually lifted her off the ground and pulled her back, her bare feet kicking over the gravel and then meeting the air as she felt herself being lifted.

Felling herself being turned slightly, before her feet touched the ground again, Andy was pulled into something hard. She blinked rapidly to clear the blurry vision she still had, as her eyes focused she looked up into the sad face of Chris who was just shaking his head from side to side as he held on to her.

His face was a mirror of her own as it expressed the most heart shattering look of sorrow as he told her it was too late.

There was nothing they could do other than stand and watch as the house continued to tumble down and burn.

Looking at the house Andy knew he was right.

With one last look at the house she turned to Chris and let him pull her in to a tighter hug as she felt the dizziness and nausea take over. She felt her body begin to shudder and move into a full tremor, before she felt the ground rush up at her again as she sagged to the ground this time taking Chris with her as the darkness pulled her into a lulled sense of safety and unconsciousness took hold of her.

******* Okay, so that is probably the worst cliffy I have ever done, so tell me what you think in a review. Love it, hate it? I would love to hear it!**


	11. Chapter 11

Wow, you guys really know how to give awesome reviews! We hit the 100 mark, so thank you, Keep it up & I'll keep writing!

Welcome to the new followers!

Thanks to Kelly2727!

**Chapter 11**

Andy woke up to the soft buzzing and beeping filling the area around her. The sound seeping in through the familiar arms of slumber as they loosened their hold on her.

The grogginess seemed to still have a firm hold on her, as she felt herself stir.

Opening her eyes, she tried to bat away the clouding darkness that filled her vision.

_"Andy?"_ Traci's voice filled the air with the hint of relief spilling over, a sigh of happiness following her friends excited whisper.

_"Traci? Traci? Where are you?"_ Andy cried out in panic as her hand flew to her face finding her eyes void of any restrictions.

_"Andy, I'm here"._ Traci said clearly confused as she reached out to touch Andy's hand.

_"Then why can't I see you,...or...anything"_ Andy cried out as she felt the tears begin to spill.

Her vision was clad in black, unseeing of any light, colour or movement. Just a void of nothing.

_"I...I dunno...I'm gonna get the doctor. They said you'd be okay"_ Traci's voice brimmed with sadness as she bit back her own tears, Andy not missing the panic she tried to mask.

As Andy heard the door close, images flashed in her mind. Images of a smiling face, dimpled grin and dark hair.

Then words rang through her mind, before images of the last two weeks spilled to the surface, white powder, angry faces turning to sad ones, before smoke and debris filtered through.

_"Ssssaaaaammmm"_ Andy's strangled scream in the silent room bought in a flurry of footsteps as she heard voices milling around her in the darkness, causing her breathing to become laboured, coming out in heavy gasps.

The voices were pushed aside as all her brain managed to comprehend was her voice shouting out one word over and over as the memories plagued through her.

The last few moments were on rewind, play, rewind play, repeating themselves.

Andy saw Sam's face cloud in panic before he reached out and shoved her off the deck, down the stairs and onto the gravel of the long winding driveway. She saw an explosion rip through the house, pulling it apart; she saw Sam, Oliver and Dov disappear as the house crumbled down around on them, the earth seemingly opening up and having swallowed them whole.

There was no way they would have survived.

No way he would have survived.

She had watched them die.

Watched Sam die.

A distant voice seemed to penetrate Andy's memories.

_"Breath Andy, you're ok. You just need to breathe"._ Traci's familiar touch radiated over her hand as she pulled it into her grip as Traci spoke.

Fear and panic rose through her, as a sudden sense of loss began to creep into her.

She had lost a fatherly figure and a best friend.

And Sam.

And she was being punished by being left alive, to suffer through the images being repeated in her mind for the rest of her life, of their own accordance. An involuntary reel of punishment, set to linger for the rest of eternity in dreaded anger.

Andy felt a burning sensation follow a prick in her backside as Traci spoke her calming words, gently rubbing her hand.

_"It's okay, I've got you"_ being murmured from Traci's lips was the last thing Andy heard before the familiar clutches of unconsciousness enveloped her.

_"Andy?"_

Andy felt her eyes flutter open then heard Traci call her name softly.

_"I'm awake"._ Andy mumbled.

_"Can you stay calm and keep breathing for me? Please?"_ Traci's voice was practically begging. It was also tired.

Andy nodded in silence. Biting her lip to keep back the tears as they misted her eyes again at the plundering memories.

Moments later Andy heard hushed voices growing louder as one male and one female entered her room.

She could smell it by the sudden strong waft of cologne and perfume that breezed in as the moving air from the opening door pushed it towards her nostrils.

"Officer McNally, I'm glad to see you're awake now, how are you feeling?" An oldish male voice said to Andy's left.

_"Um...ok. A bit...sore and stiff". _

And heartbroken.

And lost.

And...alone.

_"Good. You will be tired from the sedative we gave you, and from the exertion experienced before being admitted. Your hands have a few abrasions, as do your knees. Your head wound was only superficial, and you suffered mild smoke inhalation. However when you last woke up, you mentioned that you were unable to see. When we sedated you, we moved you up for a MRI. That came back clear, as well as did all the other tests we ran. There is no eye damage at all. You did sustain a minor bump to the head which could explain the blindness, but it's kind of a mystery. Unfortunately, this may or may not be a permanent thing". _

As the doctor spoke the last few words, Andy heard someone draw in a soft gasp.

_"Who else is in here Trace?"_ She was having a 'your life is over' speech from a doctor and did not want an audience.

Especially considering her fragile mental state at coming to terms with the loss of three people so close to her.

_"It's us, two doctors, Best and Mrs Shaw, Oliver's wife"._ Traci's hushed tone now drew a gasp from Andy in response.

She had no idea that there were two other bodies in the room.

_"Mrs Sh...I'm so...s"._ Andy attempted getting words out but they failed as she was instead wrecked with sobs.

_"Shhh...Andy, it's okay"_ a soft, melodic voice drifted into Andy's right ear as a soft, warm hand took hold of her spare hand.

_"Officer McNally, Sergeant Best will need a word with you later, and I'll be back to check on you."_ With that the foreign voices receded from the room.

_"We'll give you a minute"._ Traci's voice sounded as she patted her hand before pulling it free.

Andy heard the soft click of the door close, but could still sense the presence of Mrs Shaw in the room with her.

_"I'm so, so sorry"._ Andy sobbed out, breaking the silence.

Her hands dusting the tears away, before fumbling to feel what her bed hair may be like.

_"It's okay Andy, I don't blame you. It wasn't your fault." _Came the soft meaningful reply, carried on a sweet voice.

_"But he was there, because I couldn't... Deal with it"._

_"Andy, Oliver was there because he wanted to be. He looked at you like a daughter, and sat outside the lake house everyday watching to see that you were okay. Sam was...is his best friend, and I can assure you that there was no place he would rather have been than there". _

_"But...if they weren't there because of me they would still be...". _

More tears began to trickle from Andy's eyes.

_"Andy it's not your fault okay! I know why Sam was there, because Oliver told me before he left. I know that Sam would never have wanted to be anywhere else either, and I know that he would never have wanted anyone else there for him other than you because he... These things happen in this line of work Andy, it's never gets easier, and it never goes away, but it will get better. In time. Right now you're still here, so we need to think about that and keep positive that you will regain your sight"_ Zoe Shaw felt her own tears prick her eyes as she saw Andy's fall freely again and was glad that her voice had not wavered.

_"Why are you here Mrs Shaw? I blew up your house and... Oliver...and you have kids, you should be with them"_ Andy whispered looking vaguely in the direction she thought Mrs Shaw was in.

_"Andy, its Zoe, and I'm here because I have lots of friends and family, my girls are with my sister, so they're okay, they're young and don't understand much because I haven't told them anything yet. Andy they still haven't recovered any bodies and its only been about thirteen hours so until I am told that they have a body and that its Oliver, I see no need to upset my girls. Right now you need me more than they do, because I can only imagine what you're going through". _

Wait no bodies?

No!

Andy don't even think that there could be a chance, you saw what happened, you watched them die.

Andy's voice of logic was screaming at her to rid herself of any hope.

_"Thank you Zoe"._ Andy whispered as she wiped away her tears.

The door creaked open and Andy smelt the presence of cologne.

_"Andy..."_ Franks voice was low and remorseful. _"Can you tell me what happened at that house?"_

Andy relayed a few key points of how they happened to get to the house, leaving out exactly how it was that Sam happened to be there.

_"Andy I'm so sorry that this had to happen. Ray's men somehow found out where you were and set the house on fire to burn you out. They did not see Officer's Shaw and Epstein there, and they managed to hit a few of the guys, none fatally, as well as call for backup. Five men were arrested, Ray was unfortunately not amongst them, so he's still out there. The doctors want to keep you in a few more days to do some tests, so we will always have an Officer you're familiar with in the room with you, not outside so it won't give away your room. The explosions at the lake house were a result of the fact that everything runs on gas, so when they set the house on fire it hit the gas canisters and...well you know. We have search and rescue and fire out on scene, but they have yet to recover, or find...anything. I really am sorry"._ Andy could hear the honest grief in Frank's voice. _"For now..."_ Frank was cut short when his phone rang. _"Sorry, I have to take this"_ Frank said excusing himself out of the room.

Second later, her room door burst open, and Andy could smell Franks familiar cologne waft in.

_"They found them! They found all three of them"._ Frank suddenly burst out, his smile evident in his voice.

Andy heard Zoe gasp and a soft sniffle escape her own mouth.

_"Are... they okay?"_ Zoe whispered as Andy heard a chair scrape the floor.

_"Um...a little worse for wear, and a little..." _

_"A little what sir?"_ Andy asked as she heard Frank stumbling for words.

Her mind was playing out the worst scenarios- they were maimed or critical or...

*******Thanks for reading! Don't forget to leave your thoughts & comments in a review, I love watching me emails light up!**


	12. Chapter 12

Wow, you guys continue to amaze me, so please don't stop! Thanks for all you're awesome reviews, and follows! Thanks to the regular readers that review every chapter! Chapter 11 defiantly got some of the best reviews I've ever had, so thanks for making my day!

& I'm seeing snow for the 1st time in South Africa today just outside Johannesburg!

So that's awesome!

Thanks to my mom too, know she loves reading my updates!

Thanks as usual to Kelly2727

**Chapter 12**

_"McNally, they seem to have fallen through the decks floorboards, and into the wine cellar. They are okay, a little banged up, and pretty drunk, but they're on their way in..."_

Hearing Frank's description of their state, Andy heard Zoe burst out laughing amidst soft sniffles.

She was so overwhelmed with happiness; she was crying and laughing at the same time.

Her soft laughter conveyed the true happiness and relief she so obviously felt.

Andy felt her heart break just a little at the thought of them being alive.

Alive.

And okay.

But would they be forgiving?

Although her heart should have been bursting, it was breaking.

Breaking for what was yet to come in the aftermath of another McNally induced mistake, only this one had nearly cost them their lives.

Frank excused himself to wait for the arrival of the three officers as did Zoe, relief and gratitude sweeping through her voice as she promised Andy she would be back as soon as she had seen Oliver and Sam, leaving after giving Andy a firm, unexpected hug before making a hasty retreat.

Traci returned and sat with Andy and retold her what she had missed in their lives when she was away playing dead.

She told Andy of the beautiful funeral she had helped her dad arrange for her, before he left to go fishing in Mozambique, the reason he wasn't here, being that they hadn't been able to reach him.

She had told Andy how proud she was of 15 division banding together to help Tommy, everyone keeping a silent eye on him, prepared to step in if he sought solace in the form of alcohol again. Just as a way of paying their respect for her.

Never before had Andy felt so proud of being a part of the 15th as she did in that moment.

The thought bought tears to Andy's eyes. She felt guilty for hardly having had a thought about Tommy, but knew he was is good hands while her attention had been focused on more desperate situations.

The entire time Traci was with Andy, she held on to her hand as if she was scared that she would evaporate or disappear again.

Unable to see her fork when lunch arrived Traci helped a frustrated Andy eat lunch, before helping her to climb off the bed and take a shower.

Moving around guided was frustrating her to the point of tears, and trembling limbs.

Especially when she bumped her baby toe repeatedly on something.

Most of all Andy found the movements disorienting.

Distances were misjudged, and movements hesitant.

Andy however found her sense of touch to be more accurate, her sense of hearing and smell seemed heightened, and her sense of taste- well that left a hell of a lot to be desired when it came to the hospital food.

Because all hospital food just seems to taste like crap.

Returning to bed with Traci's help Andy lay down, her eyes cast upwards as if staring at the ceiling, while in her vision was nothing but...nothing.

Black, empty darkness.

_"You know, he will come see you when he can"_ Traci's voice drew through Andy's line of dark thoughts.

_"Who?"_ Andy said lifting her head.

_"Sam". _

_"No! No... He...uh... We...I...No, he can't."_ Andy's voice droned on almost in panic.

_"Why not?". _

_"I nearly got him killed Trace, twice. I...don't want him to see me like this..."_ Andy finished in a whisper, her fingers playing with the edge of the blanket.

_"Andy, there is nothing wrong with you, you look fine"._ Traci's voice was raising as she spoke.

_"No Trace! I can't SEE! I basically yelled how much I hated him, at him, the last time I actually spoke to him, so No I don't want to see him...I mean...you know what I mean". _

As Andy was raising her voice in her rant, she missed hearing the door nudge open and a body step silently into the room, lingering with only one foot over the threshold of the doorway.

Because her vision was shrouded in darkness, she could not see the pained expression cross Sam's face at hearing her words or Traci mouthing 'I'm sorry' shortly before he took a step backwards and pulled the door closed.

Andy and Traci spent the next few hours in a relaxing silence as Traci paged through magazines and Andy pretended to sleep. Until she allowed herself to succumb to the action of willingly slipping into slumber.

Andy woke to a silent room, wondering who had now replaced Traci by the shift in smell.

Fluttering her eyes open, she took a deep sniff of the air trying to find a telltale aroma.

The smell that filled her nostrils caused her eyes to fully widen before she sat bolt upright.

The tell-tale sign of the presence in the room with her, causing her skin to breakout in goose bumps as the hair on her neck and arm tingled.

_"Why are you here?"._ She meant it to sound forceful, but it came out heartbroken. Bewildered. No reply came, maybe hoping to fool her into thinking she was alone. _"I know you're here"._ Andy's hands began fidgeting in her lap as she waited for an answer.

_"How do you know that?"._ A gruff reply came.

_"I can smell you, sense you're presence"._ As Andy's words slipped out she thought how stupid that must have sounded. _"Why are you here?"_ She repeated.

_"Relief shift?"._ The voice held a playful amusement to it.

_"Bullshit Sam! I told them I didn't want you here". _

_"Well that's too bad McNally, coz you see...um...I didn't mean it that way"._ Sam realized his words _'you see'_ slipped out; when in fact she could do anything but.

_"Well that Sam is one of the reasons I don't want you here! I don't need you to have a pity party in my honour! So you can just leave now"._ Andy kept her voice level even to her own surprise.

_"No"._ Sam's tone had a razor sharp edge to it, but it was far from his TO voice.

_"Sam, don't you get it? I. DON'T. WANT. YOU. HERE"._ Andy was on the verge of having tears tumble again, but refused to give in.

_"Well sorry McNally, YOU can't always get what you WANT!"_. Sam's breathe flushed over her cheek as he spoke, causing Andy to suddenly jump at his much closer proximity.

She hadn't heard him move closer, he was suddenly just there.

In fact he was so close, that Andy completely lost the ability to speak, or breath.

Or think straight.

For a second.

_"You haven't answered my question Sam, why are you here?"_.

_"Well everyone else is setting up the sting for De Silva downstairs, Peck booked in as you, so someone needed to stay with you."_. Sam still hadn't moved away.

Letting out a huff Andy let her thoughts become vocalized in an icy tone.

_"You don't have to be here Sam..."_

_"I know. But I wanted to talk to you before this got any more out of hand..."_

_"Sam..."_

_"No Andy. If you interrupt, I'm never gonna get this out so let me finish okay?"_.

This drew a nod from Andy in silent amazement.

_"First I'm here because I WANT to be here. The night I thought you left the lake house I found the blow by accident. I looked at the bag and thought about how I had gotten there. To that point. I flushed it Andy. I couldn't do it, not when I remembered your face the night you died, when you said you were happy to be there... with me. Then I remembered the night you were in my house when I thought you were an hallucination, the expression on your face is one I'll never forget. Or forgive myself for. Remember I told you that I had one addiction I can't fight, one addiction that leaves me craving more, one addiction that crumbles every time I look at you..?"_

Andy nodded in silence at his question. His breath flowing into her hair and across her cheek as he spoke.

_"When I thought you died, I was replacing that addiction any way how, to escape. The guilt, the...heartache. Did you ever think about what addiction I was replacing?"_ Sam's voice was in a hushed whisper now.

Andy shook her head, indicating she had no idea.

_"You, McNally. It was always you"._ Sam was leaning in close enough for Andy to feel the heat of his face radiating over her own.

_"M...me? No! No...I...no. I don't even know what you're saying". _

_"No?"_ Sam pulled away just a fraction, enough for Andy to feel a chill replace the area his body heat had warmed.

_"No Sam! This..."_ Andy was waiving her hand in her own direction. "This is not... Worth it! I'm blind Sam. Damaged goods. I'm gonna be a charity case for the rest of my life, a burden. That is Not your responsibility. If I don't get a bullet through my skull first..."

Andy's words were muffled as Sam lay a finger over her lips as she spoke.

_"Stop. Andy the doctors can't find anything wrong okay. They think your symptoms are psychosomatic. It's all in your head, because of post-traumatic stress. You are anything but damaged Andy. And do you really think that anyone will let De Silva get to you? Do you think that I'll ever let him get to you?" _

Andy shook her head as she dropped her vacant gaze down.

Sam's voice truly sounded pained to her ears.

_"Do you trust me?"._ Sam asked as he lifted her face.

Andy remembered the last time he had asked her that question. Back at the lake house when her answer had come out as _'I don't even know you'_.

Andy sat frozen, unable to answer the question any different now, still caught up in a torrent of emotions that had been built up over the last few weeks.

_"Sam..."_ Andy mumbled softly pulling her face away just enough to feel his fingers slip from her chin.

_"Andy?"._ Sam's tone was guarded, and the distance between them increased as Andy felt a surge of cold air sweep over her cheek.

Unable to think of any logical answer to Sam's unspoken question Andy blurted the only truth her mind could come up with.

_"Luke was here...". _

She heard Sam's sharp breath audibly sucked in, as she felt a light breeze sweep over her forearms as he took a step back. "_We had a talk..."_ She continued, barely whispering loud enough to hear herself.

_"Seriously?"._ Sam's voice was suddenly loud, his tone erratic. _"After all the crap he pulled, he just walks in here, now and all is forgiven? Andy are you insane?"._

Andy heard the brush of material and mentally pictured Sam's hand moving up to either pinch the bridge of his nose of run over his face in frustration.

_"No Sam..."_

_"Are you kidding me? The guy screws around on you, with his ex, then covers it up, you get a hit put out on your head and could have died, and where the hell was he Andy? Where was he when we all thought you died? Oh, that's right, he was out getting hammered and blaming me! He actually had the nerve to come up to me shit-faced and tell me it was my fault. And now, he comes in here sweet talking you into giving him a second chance to do it to you all over again". _

Andy could feel her emotional roller coaster ride starting all over again, as Sam's words rolled out his mouth, his tone growing louder as the words became more.

Soon she felt the soft tell-tale signs of her tears, as they dripped in silence down to her hands huddled in her lap.

_"Get out"._ Her voice was surprisingly strong, even to her own ears.

_"What?"._ Sam made no attempt to hide his shock.

_"You need to go Sam. You need to leave me alone now please! I told you to stay away and I mean it, stay away"._ Andy's voice rose of its own accord as she spoke.

_"Andy...". _

_"No Sam! You need to go! I'm not gonna sit here and listen to this! You have no right Sam, you...have no idea!...you should just go okay...coz if I didn't love you so much, I would hate you right now, so I think it'll be better for both of us if you leave and stay away"._ Andy was babbling, her vacant eyes staring in the general direction she thought Sam was standing in.

Her eyes glazed over with wetness, but also an icy cold glare.

Sam stared at her with more than just a little bewilderment crossing his face as he heard her words. She however, seemed unaffected by having said them, almost as if she hadn't realized she had.

Reaching for his phone, he Sam hit the speed dial and waited for an answer.

_"Jerry, can you send Nash up here? Now? I uh...need to leave". _

Sam backed away from Andy until his back hit the wall. He simply stood staring at Andy, unable to form a coherent thought or word.

The room hung in awkward silence, as Andy sat staring into the darkness until she shifted down in the bed before laying down and turning away.

Moments later a soft knock sounded at the door, and Traci called quietly assuring them it was her.

Sam opened the door and mumbled a soft _"Stay with her"_ before leaving without saying another word to Andy, wearing the biggest dimpled grin Traci had ever seen.

Traci stared at Sam's retreating form before closing the door and hearing Andy's soft snivelling.

Andy spent the next hour relaying the events to Traci between heartfelt sobbing and gradual sniffing. That was not the way it was meant to go.

Traci was more than a little confused as to why Swarek was wearing such a fat grin when he left, if things happened the way Andy replayed them. It just didn't make sense. Was she missing something?

Luke had been daring enough to come see Andy, but _'their talk'_ was defiantly not in the direction Sam automatically assumed it was. But he wouldn't give her a chance to explain, or answer his question, the truthful way that she wanted to.

As the hours passed, Andy grew restless.

Not only because she knew things with Sam went deeper into the gutter than they were before, leaving them in a really bad place, but also knowing De Silva's sting was being set up in the same building. And she wanted to go home.

She missed her bed, her belongings, her sunshine and warmth that filtered in to her home.

Sometime after Andy had finally found the peace of sleep, she heard her hospital room door open, followed by a few voices filling the void.

******* So what did you think?**

**And who wants to smack me now, for not letting them get it right? Sorry, its just the way the story wrote itself in my head! **

******Thanks for reading, don't forget to leave you're review!**


	13. Chapter 13

Thanks for all the awesome reviews, you guys really know how to blow me away!

Thanks to Kelly2727!

**Chapter 13**

Panic immediately surged through her, as she became dazed and confused at the rising commotion.

Until Traci's warm hand patted hers, with a reassuring whisper of _"It's over. They got him"_. That followed.

Andy couldn't help but let the fully fledged grin spread over her face as she heard the news. It felt as though the weight of the world had been lifted from her shoulders.

Well most of it was gone anyway.

Along with the fear.

_"Andy?"_ Chris' hesitant voice came as a whisper, as Andy felt a presence fill the empty air next to her bed.

_"Chris?"_ Andy reached out a trembling hand in search of one of his.

Within seconds his warm fingers enveloped hers. He was trembling too.

She hadn't seen him since the lake house, and knowingly knew he was working the sting or he would have been with her.

_"Andy...I'm so s..." _

_"Don't you dare Chris Diaz! Do not finish that sentence, or so help me!"_ She was not up to hearing how he blamed himself for her current situation.

_"Andy if I ..."_

Only vaguely aware of the other presences that still filled the room, Andy tried to keep her voice soft rather than become the bumbling idiot she often did when a personal confrontation arose.

_"No! You...you don't do that. If you didn't stop me, I would have been in that house when it came down, so just don't...you can't okay! I don't even know what you're saying...and anyway, it doesn't even matter anymore". _

_"What doesn't matter anymore?"_ Chris did not understand her last whispered words, and Andy could just picture his confused face. So she did the only thing left to do and let out a soft giggle at her own minds picture of him.

_"Andy"._ Dov's voice soon filled the air, above the whispers filling the room. He made his way over to her and put a hand on her shoulder so she would know where he was.

Gail followed suite, as did the voices of Noelle, Frank and Jerry.

Their voices correlated the happiness they felt at having her back in their lives. Alive. As each took a turn to welcome her back in their own way.

The conversation soon shifted to how odd Gail looked wearing a brown wig, and how De Silva's face fell with shock and horror when armed cops came out the on suite bathroom while he still had his hands around Gail's neck in an attempt to strangle her. The shock gave her an advantage, so she punched him. It was quite the sight to the armed onlookers. Especially with De Silva's expression when Gail pulled off her wig and introduced herself as Gail Peck. The senior officers allowed her to take the collar, her right hook earning her the privilege, before passing him over to a uniform to be taken to booking, while they all went to see Andy.

After welcome back from the dead hugs, the crowd began to disperse, Chris offered to stay with Andy, and so Traci could have some time with Leo. She promised to bring him by soon to see Andy. He had been so heartbroken when Traci had told him Andy had died.

Traci had been consumed with such heartache that she would stay in an abyss of tears, and couldn't bring herself to tell Leo why. She had finally plucked up the courage and sat him down.

_"Mommy why are you crying?"_ His voice a whisper as his mother took hold of his hands.

_"Mommy's heartbroken my sweetie". _

_"Can I see?"_ Leo's hand slipped up to her shirt in an attempt to pull it away to see his mom's broken heart.

_"Oh sweetie, not like that. Inside"._ His childish innocence brought on a flood of fresh tears, but forged a bitter sweet memory in Traci's mind.

He had not taken the news well, and spent most of the week home with Traci, as close to Andy as she was, Traci couldn't wait to tell him she was alive.

Chris and Andy spent the night talking, until Andy fell asleep, still holding Chris' hand. Although she wished it was another, she was happy to have her 'closest to a brother' friend with her.

Morning came too soon, and Andy awoke to the hustle and bustle filling her room.

_"Chris?"_ Her voice still held a trace of panic at the unfamiliar scents that rolled around the room.

_"I'm here, it's just the doctor. He's checking on you, and then springing you free, so um... Guess you're coming home with me?"_

Andy was so glad to hear the words- going home. But had never thought about the whole picture. How would she cope home alone?

Running the thoughts over her mind, she made a drastic, split second decision.

_"No, I'm going home". _

_"Andy, think logically about..." _

_"No Chris, I'm going home. I can do this. We'll count steps, and go through everything in the apartment. I need to do this!". _

_"Andy I dunno if it's such a good idea...". _

_"Chris Diaz! This is the only idea I've got! So just go with it okay. I'll call if I need help. So just call Trace and tell her to meet us there, I don't have keys". _Determination was heavy set in her tone, so Chris did as told and soon signed her out, clutching the relevant paperwork detailing psychiatric appointments, help line numbers and a list of contact details of places to learn to read braille, get guide dogs and buy walking sticks.

There was also a letter from the doctor for the Police department, suggesting a temporary leave of absence, for an undisclosed period of time.

Chris kept the information to himself as he bundled Andy into his car, before making his way to Andy's apartment, where Traci was already waiting.

Once inside Traci helped Andy shower and bought her clothes that matched, as Andy scrubbed the stale sterile stench of the hospital from herself.

As she dressed she had never been so happy to wear a pair of jeans as she was now.

True to her suggestion, they counted steps, moved some furniture out of the way and ran through items in her drawers and cupboards, trying to give her a mental picture of the layout of her apartment and its contents.

Traci and Chris made a mental schedule to pick up Andy's laundry and deliver food between them as night soon settled in.

Andy was just relieved that her dad had not yet closed the rental on her apartment or given away her stuff.

After ordering Andy pizza, Chris bid them goodnight before giving Andy a tight hug and leaving for the Penny.

With one last job to do, Traci handed Andy a new phone, hers having been logged in to evidence completely water logged when she had been ruled as dead.

_"It's the same as the old one. Here feel the numbers." _

_"Trace, you didn't have to". _

_"How can I expect you to call me if you need something, and you don't have a phone?"_ Traci let out a soft giggle.

_"I've put all our numbers on speed dial, voicemail is 1, I'm on 3, your dad is on 4, Chris on 5, Dov on 6 and Frank on 7. Anything else you need to call, call me and I'll call for you okay?"_

Andy did not miss the fact that Traci had skipped the number 2 speed dial, and could only guess who she had assigned that to.

_"Thanks Trace, dunno what I'd do without you"_. She said as she pulled Traci in for a hug.

_"Okay, pizza is in the kitchen, and there's juice and soda. Please call me if you need anything. I've gotta go, I need to pick Jerry up; my mom took my car to fetch Leo from school. I'm off tomorrow so I'll bring him with me. And call me okay?" _

_"I will"_. Andy promised as she felt Traci step away.

_"Oh, I'm taking the spares; I got yours from the evidence locker so they're hanging on the key holder". _

_"Thank you". _

With that Andy was alone.

Truly alone.

In the darkness, her vision still a void of emptiness, she sat in the lounge listening to the sounds of silence fill her street.

Traci made her way back to the barn and sent Jerry a text to say she was waiting outside. Minutes later, he was at the driver's door, and sliding in.

_"She okay?"_

_"I hope so. She wants to be alone"._ Traci said looking out the window, as they drove past the Penny. _"Jerry stop the car"._ Traci's voice held a subtle hint of desperation, so he stopped.

_"What's wrong?"_

_"Nothing, I'm gonna go fix this"_. Traci said scratching in her purse for Andy's spare keys.

_"What are you gonna fix at the Penny?"_ Jerry's face was confused, but held a hint of amusement in the raised eyebrow.

Waving Andy's keys in front of him, Traci turned to point at Sam's truck in the parking lot before saying a soft _"That"_ and climbing out. Jerry shook his head at her excitement, having known the full story of his friend and hers, over the last weeks.

_"Okay then"_ he mumbled as he saw Traci walk into the Penny.

_"Sam"._ Traci greeted as she made her way to stand next to Sam at his seat at the bar.

_"Nash?"_ The question in Sam's voice was evident. He expected her to still be with Andy at the hospital. Although he kept staring at the glass of amber liquid in front of him.

_"Oh, she's home"._ Traci mumbled as she waved to Chris and Dov across the bar.

Sam didn't respond.

_"Yeah, Chris dropped her off at her apartment this morning when she was discharged from the hospital"._ She continued before gently setting the keys down in front of Sam and taking a step backwards in an attempt to leave.

_"Alone?"_ Sam's gruff tone came out with enough force to make a few heads turn.

But when Sam turned to Traci, she was gone, her retreating form slipping through the Penny's heavy wooden door.

Sam grabbed the keys and left his drink making his way out the door.

Traci and Jerry sat parked across the street from the Penny, Traci having asked Jerry to wait a minute before pulling back out into traffic.

They watched as Sam left the Penny, pausing to open his truck door, just to look at what Traci assumed was Andy's keys tucked away in his hand.

_"Okay, we can go now"_ Traci said virtually expelling excitement and satisfaction from herself as she spoke.

_"I don't wanna know"_ Jerry said shaking his head as he pulled away from the curb.

Sam drove the short two blocks to Andy's apartment wondering if he should knock or use the keys Traci gave him. Scanning the street, he was silently relieved that Callaghan's car was not parked outside.

That was the last thing he wanted now, to run into Callaghan. He just had the feeling that he would lose all self-control the minute he laid eyes on him.

Debating between keys and knocking Sam entered Andy's apartment building, a man on a mission.

He didn't want to scare Andy if he just walked in, she after all wouldn't see him.

So knocking it was, he decided standing in front of the door, whose threshold he had yet to cross since Andy moved in.

He knocked and waited for a reply. None came, so he knocked again. Still no movement echoed from behind the door.

So he gently slipped the key in the lock, unlocked the door and let himself in.

Closing the door behind himself quietly, Sam listened for any signs of life emanating from inside Andy's apartment.

He heard the feint running of water, the tell-tale sign that she was in the shower, so he took a seat on the couch and waited in pained silence.

Andy stepped out the hallway and made her way into the kitchen; Sam could see her lips moving with each step she took. He sat in awed silence as he watched her make her way over to the kitchen counter and begin fumbling with the pizza box, until she froze and her head snapped up in his direction before her eyes widened in fear, her hands retreated trembling from the pizza box and she stepped back until she was huddled in the corner, her back pressed against the marble counter top.

Sam realized she knew someone was in the apartment, but couldn't see who, although he could barely see her in the darkness, probably because she had no need to turn any lights on.

_"S…Sam?"_ Her voice was trembling and childlike.

_"Yeah"_ He whispered not wanting to frighten her even more by giving a loud answer. He watched relief flood her face, as she let out a deep breath before he stood up and made his way towards her stepping louder than was probably needed.

He saw the relief wash away, to be replaced by...anger as he stepped closer.

_"Why are you here? I asked you to stay away Sam"._ Her tone was steady and defiant as she spoke.

_"And I remember telling you that you can't always get what you want"._ Sam's closeness made her jump just a fraction in surprise.

_"So you and Callaghan huh?"_ Sam said stepping closer still.

_"No"_ Andy said as she started to bite her lip in frustration at not being able to see Sam's reaction to that, seeing as he just assumed.

_"No?" _

Andy could hear the smile in Sam's answer as he replied. She could just imagine the eyebrow thrown upwards and the dimples flaring in appearance.

She knew he was standing really close by, so without thinking she lifted her left hand to where she thought he would be standing.

Sam watched as her hand snaked forwards, unsure of where she wanted it to go, so he took another step forward so her hand met his shoulder. He watched as she moved it to the left then right, feeling its position before moving it upwards. She ran it up his neck, over his jaw and let it settle on his cheek before a grin spread across her own face.

_"What are you doing?"_ Sam didn't quite get exactly what she was doing, she usually kept to her own personal space.

Andy pulled her hand away before looking away, her blush evident of her embarrassment.

_"Uh...checking if you were smiling?"_ It came out as more of a question than a statement, but at least she was honest.

That resulted in Sam letting out a soft chuckle.

Only to flood Andy's features with more anger.

_"It's not funny Sam. What do you want? You still haven't answered me"._ Andy retreated back into the counter before wrapping her arms around herself.

_"You uh...need to dry your hair"._ Sam's only logical answer slipped out at noticing her hair was still dripping from her shower.

_"I would if I knew where my dryer was"._ Andy looked down, almost as if ashamed that such an insignificant task was out of her reach.

_"Okay, well let's go then. After that's done, I'll make some coffee then we're gonna have a little talk"._ Sam didn't wait for her to answer, but rather took her upper arm and pulled her towards the bedroom.

Sitting Andy down on the bed, Sam plugged in her dryer and handed it to her along with her brush before leaving to make them coffee.

Setting out their mugs and waiting for the kettle to boil, Sam made his way back to the bedroom to stand in the doorway and watch Andy dry her hair as if she had done it a million times over. Her movements were not hesitant or jerky, they were skilled and smooth.

He could easily just stand there and watch her all night.

Andy switched off the dryer and turned to face him, _"it's kinda creepy, so don't do that"._

Sam's jaw hit the floor at her knowing he was there.

_"What is?"_

_"You, standing there watching me. You're always doing it, so don't. It's really creeping me out"_. Andy turned away before starting the dryer again.

_"How did you know I was even here?" _Sam was baffled at how she knew he was there in the doorway, or even in her apartment.

_"Ug Sam like I said before, I can always sense you're presence in a room and you're always watching me. It sounds stupid, but before...when I could see, I saw it. I didn't have to see you to know you were there, or watching me, I felt it. Same as now. I don't need to see you to know you're doing it. And when you can't see someone, you recognize them by their smell"_. She had barely started drying her hair again, before switching off the dryer and putting it down next to her on the bed as she spoke. _"Sam"._ Andy called out when he stayed silent and still.

_"I'm still here"._ He said unsure of what else to really say.

_"I know. I just don't know why"._ Andy turned back to look vacantly at the doorway.

Sam made his way over to Andy's bed, sitting on the edge, facing her.

_"The whole Ray De Silva thing?"_ Sam asked as Andy turned to face him before moving to climb up on the bed, sitting legs crossed.

She just nodded at his eagerness to talk.

He rarely did.

_"Well that stupid ass rookie that forgot to load his gun? Well that was me. Your dad shot the kid when he pulled his gun on me during the bust, so I'm kinda responsible for all of this"_

Andy's eyes widened in shock at Sam's revelation and guilty tone.

_"No Sam...it was because of a mistake you made while doing your job". _

_"A mistake that almost got you killed Andy". _

_"But it didn't. Sam, I'm still here"._

_"And you would be in better shape if I hadn't made that mistake, none of this would have happened. You wouldn't be..."_

_"I wouldn't be what Sam? Blind? Say it Sam". _

_"Andy, that's not what I meant". _

_"Look Sam I know okay, the doctors say it's psychosomatic, I get it, I really do. I don't blame you for it. I don't even blame Ray De Silva for it. I blame me. Me for going along with Boyd's stupid plan, me for leaving, me for nearly making you overdose on the coke and me for putting You, Oliver and Dov in danger. We thought you all died that day Sam"._ Andy's eyes misted with the soft salt water of her tears as she spoke. Her voice betraying the emotions she attempted to keep at bay.

_"Andy stop. That was all me. My own selfish inability to cope with the given circumstances. The day you died, I... You died because I let go of your hand. I blamed myself for not holding on to it, for letting you slip away. The one thing I wanted most was gone because I let it slip away. I only turned to the coke because I wanted to die Andy. Not because I let you die, but because I felt like I had died that day too. Then you started showing up, and I thought you were a hallucination, so I did more until you came back. Seeing you alive at the lake house, it was like I'd died and gone to heaven. Then I realized that if you weren't really dead, I didn't do enough to find you, so I got angry at myself, you just got in the way and I took that anger out on you. I am so, so sorry. I remembered the look on your face when I was high, and you saw me take the coke, I will never forget the look you had in your eyes Andy. The day at the lake house when I found the coke, I thought of that look, and I literally felt sick to my stomach that I had been the one to put it there. When we fell into the wine cellar, I spent over twelve hours thinking that maybe this time you were really dead. Maybe this time I would come out and they would tell me you really didn't make it, and this time I promised myself if I came out and you were alive I was going to tell you one thing. One thing that I should have told you a long time ago. But then I tried at the hospital, and we both know how well that went. So this time I want to ask you something. Will you give me an honest answer?"_ Sam sat watching Andy's features change from anger, to remorse, to guilt, to unmistakable heartache as he spoke. After asking his question he saw her nod, before he watched a worried expression settle in her face. _"I thought back to the lake house and how badly I had treated you, but you stayed. Even when you phoned Oliver, to send someone else, you stayed. Why didn't you leave the house?"_

_"I...no...I can't answer that"._ Andy said moving to find the edge of the bed in a scurry of hurried movements before throwing her legs off the side and standing up.

Sam matched her movements, seeing that she was headed for the door; he took a brave step in front of her before she slammed into him.

Andy didn't feel Sam move in front of her, until she literally walked into him, letting out a strangled breath when she realized she had. Stumbling backwards, Andy made an attempt to retreat but Sam enclosed a hand over her wrist, the other on her upper arm, keeping her rooted to the spot.

Sam just stared into her eyes, shocked to see them filled with sadness.

_"Andy?"_

Andy dropped her face, trying to hide what she was feeling. It was a simple case of I can't see you, so you can't see me.

Andy just shook her head in response, afraid her voice would say what her mind didn't want it to say.

So there they stood in silence.

Neither moving towards the other, yet neither moving away.

Afraid to break the spell, Sam watched as a collection of emotion plagued Andy's unseeing eyes, over and over again.

He noticed the fear had returned.

_"Can you stay really still?"_ Sam whispered, intending on keeping the enchanted spell intact.

Andy merely nodded, as Sam lifted her wrist to place her hand back on his cheek, where she had placed it earlier of her own accord.

As soon as Andy's hand made contact with Sam's skin, she leaned in to his touch. Almost as if she needed the warmth to stay standing.

Sam took a tiny step forward and paused, watching Andy, waiting for her to pull away even though he asked her to stay still.

She never did.

So leaning forwards Sam placed his lips gently on hers for a fraction of a second, before pulling away. Andy leaned forward as her lips lost contact with his, searching for his, before finding them.

So they stayed for an immeasurable amount of time, before Sam pulled away and left his forehead to rest against hers.

_"You know you're the sweetest drug"._ San said barely above a whisper, watching Andy carefully to see her reaction.

Her face lit up with a mega smile, defiantly making his words worthwhile.

Andy kept her hand on Sam's face, feeling his smile widen as he pulled away, the soft holes of his dimples receding under her fingertips.

_"What?"_ Sam asked as Andy's face broke out into a smile of his own.

_"Your dimples give away you're smile"._ Andy said, gently running her fingers over them.

_"But they're not as hot as your dimples". _

_"Sam I do not have dimples"_

_"Yes you do, they're right here"._ Sam moved his hand to Andy's lower back, where her pelvis bones made dimples just below her pants line.

_"Sam, how did you...? You've been checking out my ass?"_ Andy flushed red, and felt Sam's cheek grown warmer under her touch. _"Oh, you're so blushing, and I can't even see it"._ Andy sighed.

_"Hey, you can feel my face anytime you need to check out my expression. And I do not blush". _

_"Sam! Yes you do"._

_"So gonna answer my question now?"_ Sam needed the reassurance of hearing her say it, although he felt it moments ago.

_"Sam...I'm not good with this whole... mushy stuff". _

_"I know". _

_"I have a lot to get used to. I haven't even seen my dad yet, he's fishing in Mozambique. I... I'm sorry, for not coming to you, it's not that I don't trust you, I do, but I would have still had to say goodbye. I couldn't do that. And at the lake house I only said I didn't know you, coz I felt backed into a corner. I...I've never put so much trust in one single person. I just wanted you to know that". _

_"I know. You need to get some rest, I see there's an appointment for a psychologist tomorrow, so I'll take you for breakfast, then drive you over". _

_"Sam...I...you don't..." _

_"I know, I'm still on personal leave, so I want to". _

_"Okay"_ Andy moved away, towards the bathroom, and stopped dead in her tracks the minute she reached the doorway before calling out for Sam almost frantically.

_"Still right here"._ Sam said jumping at her loud voice, still standing where he was when she moved away.

_"Um...I haven't...been alone, since the lake house...will you stay?"_ Andy stood looking into the bathroom, not daring to turn around.

_"Wasn't planning on leaving" _Sam replied before watching Andy walk over to the basin and fumble with the toothpaste, trying to hide her smile.

******okay, so this was my fav chapter to write so far, so I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it, don't forget to review?**


	14. Chapter 14

Thanks for all you're amazingly awesome reviews & alerts!

Special thanks to Kelly2727!

A/N: Psychosomatic Definition: When a condition is psychosomatic, that means that it involves both the mind and the body. A psychosomatic illness originates with emotional stress or damaging thought patterns, and progresses with physical symptoms, usually when a person's immune system is compromised due to stress. A common misconception is that a psychosomatic condition is imaginary, or "all in someone's mind". Actually, the physical symptoms of psychosomatic conditions are real, and should be treated quickly, as with any other illness.

*** I'll let everyone make their own decision as to why Andy experienced the blindness.

I just wanted to use a different idea, & that's what I came up with.

Hope you all enjoy, don't forget to review!

**Chapter 14**

Four Months Later.

Andy had come a long way since the night in her apartment.

She had regular counselling twice a week; attended braille classes and managed to even go shopping with Traci and Sam without causing chaos.

Things at work were good, she had been offered a position in dispatch, and began training but had yet to take any live calls. She missed the streets and the adrenaline, but was happy to still have a place on the force. She was still a cop.

Things with Tommy were better than ever, him still staying sober, and taking a keen interest in being a part of Andy's life.

He came home from his sobriety fishing trip a week after Andy was out the hospital, and Sam and Oliver went over to his apartment and began with small talk before Sam braced the subject of Ray De Silva and Andy being alive, as well as mentioning her newly found blindness, and the fact that they were dating. The latter he merely mentioned in quick passing, feeling embarrassed by the fact that he felt like he was 16 again.

Sam was reserved in his wording as he told Tommy, not wanting to give the man a heart attack before he saw Andy.

Andy arrived at Tommy's half an hour after Sam had told him, with Traci and the minute they walked in the door Andy was pulled into a bone crushing hug.

It had been years since her dad had given her a hug like that, and she relished in the warmth of the long lost contact between them.

Things with Sam had been better than good. They had been dating since the night he came to see her. She cleared up the Luke conversation the next day, putting Sam out of his misery and told him Luke had come by to apologize to her and told her to go after Sam, he was really a good guy and a keeper.

Sam had gone to see Frank about the slip he had, and told him the truth, and had gotten probably the longest speech Frank had ever uttered, along with Jerry and Oliver. But there was never a mention on anyone's record other than that Sam took personal leave. Frank would do random drug tests on a few staff members, and each time Sam's came back clean if he was 'randomly' tested.

Sam & Andy spent nights mostly at Andy's, Sam didn't want to leave Andy alone at his house until she became accustomed to navigating the layout, so they only ever slept there if Sam was off the next day, or had a late shift. Their shifts differed so drastically as Andy was only training three mornings a week at dispatch.

Andy thought sleeping in his bed was better; it was just more comfortable than hers so she never declined the offer.

One such morning she woke, to Sam's arm still draped on her stomach, a sigh of contentment filling the room as she lay listening to him sleep.

Turning to face him, she let her eyes flutter open, content to be enveloped by the sounds of his soft breathing.

So she lay, for a while before Sam opened an eye and smiled at her watching in his direction.

_"You should have woken me up, I would have made you coffee"._ He mumbled between soft kisses of good morning.

_"Nope, I'm quite happy"._ Andy replied biting her lip.

_"No to coffee? That's a first". _

_"Yup, I was watching you sleep". _

_"Mmm...and that's not creepy. I could feel you staring at me"._ Sam said playing along.

_"Really? Well I was enjoying the view, so I couldn't help myself "._ Andy whispered.

_"Enjoying the view hey?"_

_"Uh-hu". _

_"So you were just lying there, watching me sleep? Taking in the view? Mmmm that's not creepy at all McNally". _

_"Yup. You were dreaming about me, weren't you? I could see the way you were smiling. The smile you always give me. And I never noticed how long your eye lashes are. They like rest on your cheek bones when your eyes are closed. And there are so many..." _

_"What?"_ Sam had propped himself up on one arm watching Andy ramble away, making no sense whatsoever.

_"Sam, I was watching you sleep because...?" _

_"You can see me?"_ Sam really didn't get where this was going, especially so early in the morning. And without coffee.

Andy nodded, still biting on her lip.

_"Wait, you can see me? As in you're looking at me, and can actually see me?"_

Andy nodded again while Sam lay frozen by her declaration.

_"Seriously?"_

_"Yes Sam! I can see you and everything else"_. Andy vocalized her point, yet again.

_"Okay, so now we...need to call the doctor?". _

Andy let out a fit of giggles at his sudden nervousness and insecurity.

_"Nope, not just yet. It's not even six thirty yet. You sound surprised that my sight is back so soon, they did say one day..." _

Andy was hesitant by Sam's reactions to her sight suddenly returning.

_"Andy, don't even think about going there. I had hopes for one day, but never expected it to happen so soon, and if it never happened, it wouldn't have changed anything. It'd just mean I'd have to tell you what direction to call the kids in". _

_"Call the kids in? Aren't you getting a little ahead of yourself there?"_ Andy tried to hide the shock now filling her face, but knew she was failing miserably.

_"Nope just waiting for you to catch up. One little Sammy and two little Andy's running around doesn't sound that bad does it?" _

_"Sam! Seriously...?."_ Andy didn't quite know what to say at Sam's sudden picture perfect future.

_"Andy, I've waited long enough to say you're mine. Believe me when I say I'm not letting you go this time, or the next, or even the one after that. I loved you before the whole 'Thing' happened, I loved when you could see, I loved you when you couldn't see, and I love you now that you can see again, a lot more than before, so yes, when you catch up, yes little Sammy's and Andy's running around, yes little wedding bells, yes little whatever you want, as long as I have you, I want the whole happy ever after. And if you say anything now, I will grab you and shove you in a cold shower"._ Every time Sam said a word, Andy's mouth would flutter open but silence echoed out, she was actually speechless.

_"Um…"_ Her voice wasn't exactly saying a word.

_"Shhh"_ Sam did not want her to overthink anything he just said.

_"Uh..."_

_"Cold shower Andy, I'm warning you"._ Sam couldn't help but let out a soft laugh at Andy's totally bewildered expression.

_"I...I..."_ Okay, so now she way beyond capable of forming coherent words.

Andy sat up and just stared at Sam. Her eyes were glassy, and her mouth clenched tightly shut as she just sat looking at him, before running a hand to smooth her morning bed hair.

She looked almost in a panic.

_"Andy? Andy...?"_

Sam was worried as he watched her sit bolt upright, maybe he had over stepped his boundaries, but there was no way she didn't already know what he just said. Or didn't she?

_"Um... Back at the hospital... You tried to say that. The night...you..um...came to my apartment you tried to say that? All along you've tried to say that? And I wouldn't listen. I wouldn't hear what you had to say. Oh God I am so dense"._ Andy was almost crawling away from Sam on the bed as she spoke, but never took her eyes off him.

She let her legs swing off the bed, her feet moving the instant they hit the floor. Down the hallway, down the stairs and into the lounge.

_"Andy?" _

_"How could I do that Sam? How could I not have seen, or heard it? How could I put you through that, and now...you still feel... I have to go"._ Andy sputtered out before racing up the stairs.

Absently grabbing at her few scattered items lying around Sam's room; she missed the fact that he had followed her up the stairs and now stood in the bedroom door blocking any escape attempt she had planned.

_"Andy? Stop okay, you're not leaving. I'm sorry if I said the wrong thing, but it's the truth, so how can it be wrong?"_ Sam's gaze was more of a hardened stare; Andy felt it burning a hole in her back as she threw her things into her duffel bag.

_"Sam…it is not humanly possible to go through what I put you through and still be normal. To still feel the same okay...it's not...I look at my dad and see myself one day, the lonely old recovering drunk he is, because my mom left. I had to leave more than once before, and now…kids and...and white picket fences...and me wasting all that time in your life, I...can't..."_

_"Andy McNally, if you finish that sentence I swear you will go over my knee and get the hiding of your life. You are not your dad and you sure as hell are not your mother. As for wasting my time, where do you think we would be if I had kissed you outside the Penny the night I told you I'd put Emily on a bus? I would have taken you home and we would not have been here, like this. Or the night of the blackout, if things went any further? That would have been that and you know it as well as I do. Every time I saw you with Callaghan I wanted to punch him in the face, throw you over my shoulder and take you home, but I kept the caveman antics away and do not regret it. I spent like three years of my life pining for you, waiting for you and still do it when you're not around. I do not regret one second of those three years, because it would never have gotten to where it is if either of us had acted on it. I do not regret telling you I love you, or that I want to marry you someday or have kids with you either, coz I don't, I've never wanted to get married or have kids with anyone. Ever. But with you, it just feels right and I want it all. If I have to wait another ten years for one step in the right direction, I'd wait ten years in happiness if it meant I got you every day of forever". _

Andy had stopped packing her things and now stood facing the window un-moving, just listening.

_"Would you really wait ten years?" _

_"Andy, I'd wait forever, if it meant somewhere along the lines I'd get a yes". _

_"The whole mother thing, I...guess that screwed me up more than I thought". _

_"Andy have you ever seen yourself with Nash's kid, or Oliver's kids or Sarah's kids? No one who acts like that with other peoples kids would ever be a bad mother. I wouldn't dream of having kids with someone I didn't think would be a good mother". _

"_That's what you were dreaming about? When you were smiling in your sleep?"._

_"Yeah kinda."_ Oh so busted.

_"Why me?" _

_"Why you what?" _

_"Why do you want all that with me?"_

_"You"_

_"Yes Sam, ME". _

_"No McNally. My answer is you. Because you're you, you are just like you are, and when I'm with you, I'm me. The real me. There's no pretending, there's no acting, and it just comes naturally". _

_"Why do you want to run?"_ Seemed like a good time to ask her.

_"You have the whole future planned out Sam. The perfect future and I'm far from perfect...I couldn't give you the perfect future, the way you want it"._ Andy turned and sat on the bed, her head hanging forwards, her hair hiding her face. _"I have too many imperfections for that Sam". _

_"Imperfections? I'm far from perfect too Andy, your imperfections make you perfect for me". _

_"Sam I'm trying to be serious. I'm...just not meant to..." _

_"To what Andy? To love? To be loved? To accept? Even if it's only accept your imperfections as part of your own personality?". _

_"All of it Sam. I...". _

Sam had stepped forwards to now stand in front of Andy, before kneeling down, holding her knees to stop from toppling over.

_"Andy, if this..."_ Sam motioned between them _"this is not what you want; I won't stand in your way, or try keep a hold on you. If this is not what you feel is the right thing, then I won't hold it against you. You need to do what you feel is right to you."_ Sam leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Andy's temple before standing up and going to the bathroom.

Running the water a little hotter than normal, and a little longer than normal, Sam opened the door to see a billow of steam file out the bathroom into an empty bedroom.

Sam noticed that Andy was gone, having taken her duffel bag with her, when she slipped out. Torn between going after her and giving her space Sam didn't know what to do. Had he put too much pressure on her? Had he scared her off with his hopes and dreams of a future based on what he wanted?

Did he overwhelm her with his dreams, when she opened her eyes to find her sight had returned? Was it too much, too fast?

Sam didn't have the answers, but he was not letting go without a fight.

Sending Nash a quick text he asked her to check up on Andy before leaving his house, the door closing the only sound to echo through a house now empty and filled with heartbreak.

Andy made her way home, hailing a cab right outside Sam's house. She made her way inside, still relatively calm and phoned the doctor for an appointment the next day, considering she had her eyesight back. She grabbed her clothes and made her way to the shower before letting the water run, steam filling her bathroom.

Stepping inside the shower, Andy finally let the tears slip, and mingle with the warm water as she thought back over the last almost three years of her life.

And what she had just given up.

And why she had given it up.

It had to be ultimately the stupidest thing she had ever done.

She was handed everything she ever wanted, on a platinum tray, and she just callously turned it down. Or more like threw it away.

All because she was scared to be happy? Afraid of disappointing Sam? Herself? But she had been happy over the last four months, happier than she had ever been.

So why now?

Did the kids idea spook her so much she had to run away?

Not cool Andy, not cool at all!

Getting out the shower, Andy found Traci sitting on the couch, more than a little fuming.

_"Okay girl, you have a whole lot of explaining to do". _

Andy moved to put the kettle on as Traci stood in awe and watched Andy move around unhinged.

_"Oh my God, Andy can you see?"_ Traci squealed.

Andy just turned to face Traci and nodded before the silent sobs she held back broke loose.

After over an hour of telling Traci the day's events, between the snivelling of happiness at regaining her sight, and the snivelling of sadness at making another colossal mistake, Andy still felt like crap.

Sam had tried twice to call her, but she ignored the calls, and he never left a voicemail.

**Enjoy and review!**


	15. Chapter 15

Wow thanks for all the awesome reviews, alerts & follows

Hope you will enjoy my new one up too- To be with you!

As always special thanks to Kelly2727!

**Chapter 15**

Sam had tried twice to call her, but she ignored the calls, and he never left a voicemail.

How could she say sorry for a colossal mistake like that?

And for leaving?

How could she find an excuse for that, when she did it so easily?

And what kind of excuse was there to justify her actions?

Andy's doorbell rang, causing Andy to jump in fear that Sam was at the door, after giving up on her not answering her phone, he might just have come to see her face to face.

And that was something she wasn't sure she was ready for right now.

Andy shook her head before retreating into her room, closing the door, indicating to Traci that should Sam be standing on the other side of the door, she was not ready to face him just yet.

Five minutes later, Traci knocked on the door and Andy let out a soft cry when she opened the door to be attacked by moving objects.

_"What...what is that?"_ She asked pushing her way through the large amount of floating, foil balloons floating outside her bedroom door.

_"Um...a delivery?"_ Traci tried to suppress her giggle.

_"From?"_

_"Well let's see, that one says, I Love You so do those 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Those say I miss you, those say I'm sorry. Need to guess?"_

_"Traci, there's like fifty balloons here". _

_"Exactly my point"._ Traci said letting go of the strings so the array of coloured balloons could gently drift up to the roof and began floating down the hallway.

Andy just stood taking it in.

Then the doorbell rang again.

Andy, diving for cover, slipped back into her bedroom before closing the door.

Traci was gone much longer this time. So long Andy wondered if she hadn't left, so she took the chance of opening the door a crack to reveal Traci digging in her cupboards.

_"Vases?" _

_"Vases? Why do you need..."_

_"Not me you"_ Traci smiled pointing to the flowers that were just everywhere.

Bouquets of lilac and yellow wild flowers. Pots of carnations and lilies. Roses in every colour, except red. No where was there one single red rose in sight. They went from white, to yellow, to orange and pink.

_"Andy?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"Are you okay? You don't look great, all pale like you're gonna pass out. Go sit down on the couch, I'll sort these out". _

Andy just nodded and walked further into the sweet scented lounge before her eyes fell on the single long stemmed red rose attached to a card lying on the coffee table.

Picking it up, Andy flipped open the card before reading the simple 'I'll wait forever' written in Sam's familiar scrawl.

_"Oh crap again?"_ Traci's voice echoed through the room from the kitchen.

_"Uh...what?"_ Andy had been so lost in thought; she was unaware of anything going on around her.

_"Door Andy, get the door"._ Traci said smiling and nodding towards the door as the doorbell rang again.

Andy pulled open the door to a delivery guy holding a box that looked like it held a bottle of wine. Signing for it, she closed the door before opening the box to find a bottle of pink champagne nestled in red tissue paper.

_"Champagne?"_ Traci said with a raised eyebrow as Andy handed her the bottle.

_"Beats me"_ Andy said stepping towards the window and looking down the street.

Sam gave Oliver a call as he left his house. Oliver was booking a suspect, and agreed to wait for Sam at the barn.

Finding Oliver waiting in interview 1, with coffee, Sam was never more grateful for his long-time friend than now.

Sam also wasn't big on asking advice, but Oliver had been married going on 16 years, so he was doing something right. Perfect to give advice then too.

Relaying the day's events to Oliver, Sam was still at a loss of which way to go in regards to the situation with Andy.

_"So you mentioned marriage and kids and she ran off?"_ Oliver couldn't believe his ears.

_"Yup, pretty much." _

_"Did you ask her?" _

_"No I didn't ask her, I said I wanted to, but that was enough to spook her. Can you imagine if I actually asked her?"_

_"You should try"_

_"She'll only rabbit again, this time maybe permanently". _

_"We'll you won't know until you try Sammy. She can only say no". _

_"That's what I'm afraid of, why I didn't ask her. I was sort of testing the waters". _

_"Seriously brother, you should just come straight out and ask her". _

_"Nope not gonna happen. We done here? Yeah I think we're done here. Thanks brother". _

Oliver did not miss the twinkle in Sam's eye as he left the interview room.

That's how Sam found himself hiding away in Andy's hallway bathroom.

She closed herself in her room, just as he thought she would, when he came to deliver the balloons. He was counting on it.

When the flowers arrived he heard her sigh as she smelled the aroma of scents filling the air.

He had hid in the bathroom until the third doorbell chime signalled the champagne had arrived.

He heard Andy and Traci talk about the champagne and saw Andy move over to the window before holding his hands up to Traci. She looked confused, until Sam pointed at the door.

_"Hey Andy, I...um gotta get something out my car okay". _

_"Sure"._ Andy answered still looking out the window trying to make sense of Sam sending her his little gifts.

The man was infuriating, but never did anything without cause.

Andy made her way over to the champagne and picked up the bottle, eyeing the label for alcohol content, she could really use a stiff drink right now.

_"I lied when I said I'd wait forever. I want it all, now. So if..."_

Sam stepped forwards and spoke and Andy screamed. She nearly dropped the bottle, but was quick enough to let her reflexes kick in.

_"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you"._ Sam said taking another hesitant step forwards.

Andy stood in the kitchen in front of the dark marble counter, Sam walking in from the other side, the island separating them.

Still clinging to the bottle tightly with both hands, Andy watched Sam step forward towards the kitchen counter top, before lifting his hands to place a small silver velvet box gently down on the counter, right in the middle evenly spaced between them.

She noticed his hands were shaking, and his face seemed pale, his eyes were sort of dull, as though he had fear in them.

_"So there's my question Andy, simple, straight forward. Let me know when you have an answer, be it yes or no. I would wait forever you know, I just don't want to. I love you too much to want to wait"._ Sam then turned around and made his way for the door.

Andy stood in shocked silence and watched him close the door, before turning to look back at the box on the counter. She didn't need to be a detective to know exactly what silent secret lay nestled in that box.

Oliver watched Sam leave with a determined twinkle in his eye. As soon as Sam was out the room, Oliver rushed out in search of back up. There was no way they were missing this. After frantic deliberation with Frank, Oliver followed Sam around town. He made various stops before stopping outside Andy's apartment, Nash opening the door. Oliver smiled as he saw Jerry pull up, followed by Frank, Gail, Noelle, Dov and Chris. Even some of the other familiar faces from around the barn were seen, as cruisers began to fill the street.

After his quick chat with Oliver, Frank sent a simple mass text to a few number on his phone-

**Take lunch now!**

**Domestic alliance at 414 Boulevard Drive. **

**Approach silent, remain parked!**

Everyone recognized Andy's address and started moving towards her apartment block, only turning lights and sirens off a block away.

_"Domestic alliance? What does that even mean?"_ Dov sputtered as Gail stepped on the gas.

Traci was startled to see the street outside lined with seven cruisers and Jerry's car.

_"Well?"_ Oliver asked as she approached the crowd now standing in the small street.

_"You knew?" _

_"Nope, just figured. I kinda followed him. We are not gonna miss out on this!"_ Oliver couldn't help the grin across his face. _"So?" _

_"I dunno. I think he's with her now, but it doesn't look good"_ Traci stammered. Her worry not being hidden.

As soon as Traci's words were out Andy's building door swung open and Sam walked out the building, towards his truck parked in the other direction, oblivious to the crowd watching him from across the street.

Traci watched as Sam walked across the street, without even looking down the street for traffic.

Holding her breath she suddenly muttered – _"5, 4, 3, 2 ..."_ And suddenly Andy's apartment building door swung open and Andy came charging out the building, literally running after Sam.

She breezed across the road, like only whirlwind Andy could, before she got close enough to Sam to literally jump at him.

Sam spun around sensing a fast moving presence behind him, only to see a dishevelled Andy leap up at him. Without hesitation, Sam put out his arms to catch Andy as she went crashing into him.

_"Yes"_ Andy whispered breathlessly as Sam reached out to catch her.

_"Yes?"_ Sam couldn't hide his smile as he put Andy's feet back down on the pavement, moving her away enough to see her face.

_"Yes, to now, to later, to white picket fences and two Sammy's or Andy's running around. To whatever, to everyday of forever"._ Andy said shaking her head for each time she said yes.

_"Yes!"_ Sam couldn't help the over eager; loud shout that rang down the street, as he picked Andy up swinging her around before claiming her lips in one very public affirmation of her answer.

Suddenly, blue and red lights light up the entire street, sirens blasting some short, others long blast of noise.

Both Sam and Andy froze, before looking down the street to see about two dozen pairs of eyes staring at them, some belonging to the standard by passer, but most to their friend and colleges. Each pair of eyes met with a pair of clapping hands and wide goofy grins, while a round of cheers and whistles went off between the bursts of sirens.

_"I don't know how..."_ Sam said shocked at the sight before them.

_"Wasn't me either, but I'm kinda glad they got to see it"._ Andy said hiding her face as it flushed in Sam's chest.

_"What changed your mind?"_

_"I jumped and you caught me". _

_"And if I missed?"_

_"I would have punched you, but I knew you wouldn't. I thought for one split second if I jumped, you would always catch me. You have always, so I just tested the theory and...I remembered what I said at the hospital". _

_"You based an answer to my proposal to the fact that I would catch you, if you jumped?"_ Sam was shaking his head in disbelief.

_"So what did you remember saying?"_

_"Um...all of it"_ Andy couldn't hide her blush as it began creeping up her face, but for once she was happy to have the red tint of her cheeks on display for the world to see.

_"So... You remember saying...?"_

Sam's face was void of all emotion, as he watched Andy with an unreadable mask of expressionless on his face.

_"Saaaammmm! You...don't remember?"_ Andy didn't know if she should be hurt or offended that he had forgotten probably the single most important thing she had ever said to him.

Sam just let a lopsided grin spill over his lips as he let an eyebrow flutter up to his hairline.

_"So refresh my memory then McNally". _

Andy realized Sam had not forgotten what she had said, even if it slipped out without her realizing it had.

He just wanted to hear her say it again.

_"That if I didn't love you so much..."_ Andy didn't care

_"So I still have a yes?" _

Instead of answering, Andy stepped forwards and gave Sam another searing kiss.

_"Okay kids, take it inside"._ Dov's voice suddenly came over the loud speaker, totally killing the mood.

Noticing Andy's hands empty, as all her fingers, Sam looked at Andy unsure of whether to ask his next question or not.

_"Does it fit?"_ Being the only sensitive thing he could think of to say, he said it as he pulled her across the road towards her apartment building as he nodded in the direction of their friends that had slowly started to disperse.

_"Yeah, about that..."_ Andy said looking at her thin fingers.

_"What?"_

Andy stayed silent until they walked back into her apartment, Sam still clutching her hand in his own.

_"Um..."_ Sam trailed off as he noticed the ring box lying on the counter exactly where he left it.

_"I didn't look"._ Andy whispered looking at the floor after noticing Sam look from the box to her, his face stuck between confusion and something resembling hurt.

Sam squeezed her hand lightly, trying to reassure her as he spoke _"Why not?"_

_"Um...I...well...I don't need a ring Sam. I didn't want to look, and then have you think it was about a ring..."_ That had sounded so much better in her head.

_"Seriously McNally?"._ Sam couldn't hide the amusement lacing his voice as he tried to suppress his laughter.

_"Sam! I mean it. After everything we've been through, it just seemed...I dunno inconsequential at the moment. Okay...that didn't come out right...it was insignificant...no...I'm really screwing this up right now aren't I?"_

Sam just stared at her, knowing exactly what she was trying to say, but getting it so horribly wrong.

_"Okay, let me try again... I don't need a ring, as long as I have you; a ring is like an added bonus rather than a necessity. When you left I stared at the box for like two seconds before I realized that you had closed the door and left, so that gave me the choice of looking at the ring or letting you leave, and looking at the ring was sorta not on my list of immediate priorities at that moment. I couldn't let you leave after I left twice and left you to think I left once. So I kinda figured get you now, see the ring later?" _

Sam tried to keep a straight face as Andy spoke, but couldn't help the dimples from making an appearance at her last sentence.

_"You know you've always had me right?"_

_"Sam I'm being serious". _

_"I know. Just one more question before I let you have your ring McNally. Or maybe two?"_

Andy merely nodded, waiting for him to continue.

_"First, why did you leave this morning? Were you having second thoughts...about us?"_

_"No! No...I just...I was overwhelmed by my sight suddenly being there when I opened my eyes, and you the no plans kinda guy suddenly laying out a fifty year plan, and I kinda wondered if you were talking like that because my sight was back...I know it was stupid, but it was there for a split second and I got scared. When I got home I thought about the last few months and realized what a dork I had been to leave. I didn't know what to do then, how to fix it. I thought about what you've done for me over the last few months being blind and I saw that you meant it when you said if I was still blind it wouldn't make a difference. Then I replayed our conversation from the hospital in my mind when you left and I knew I was making the right decision to stop you from leaving and saying yes, that I made a mistake by leaving again, but I know now that I won't ever make that mistake again, ever. I really do know how much you love me, and I know that I love you too much to let you walk away or make you wait forever". _

Sam felt icy hot chills run through him at hearing her say those three little words and registering that she said them. She looked him in the eye and said them, with no hesitancy or second thoughts.

She said them with the love she was feeling.

_"Okay, one more question then..."._ Sam said as he let go of her hand to pick up the silver box from the counter and held it out to Andy, as Oliver's words played over in his mind, '_did you ask her?'_.

He had presented her with a question, left her a ring, but never actually asked her.

Opening the box, he held it out to Andy before plucking up the courage to say the actual words, although she had already said yes.

_"Andy McNally, will you marry me?"_ And holding the box out towards her.

Andy had not expected that.

As she looked from Sam to the box, tiny transparent droplets wet her eyes as her hand flew up to her mouth to hold in the snivelling sob that threatened to escape. Before she could contain it, a soft _"No"_ slipped from her lips.

**Please read & review!**


	16. Chapter 16

Wow, you guys have blown me away! Thanks for all you're awesome reviews & follows!

Hope you will all enjoy my new one up too - To Be with You.

Special thanks to Kelly2727!

**Chapter 16**

Andy's muffled whisper of "_no"_ from behind her hand caused the shakes to set in on Sam.

Really badly.

He felt like his heart stopped and his lungs ceased to function at hearing that one little word escape her lips.

Never in a million years had he expected her to change her mind. Had reality set in once she saw the ring, making it so real that she couldn't do it?

Andy looked up at Sam before taking a small step back, shaking her head, clearly denying something.

_"I...I..."_ She pointed to the box, still shaking her head in confirmation of her no. _"I...can't take that"._ She finally managed to force it out, letting Sam breathe a sigh of relief.

_"What?"_ Sam was not getting where Andy was going with this.

_"Sam... It's from Galaxy, the most expensive jewellery store in Toronto. It probably cost what I'll make in five years...it's too expensive...you have to take it back."_ Andy whispered as she took her hand away from covering her mouth, and waved towards the box and the insignia the inside of the lid bore.

_"No"._ Sam said taking a step forwards shaking his head in turn.

_"Sam, please I can't accept that…it's a queen set that is even pricier than a normal ring..." _

Andy said motioning to the five ring set nestled in the box.

_"No, Andy it's not about the money. Do you have any idea what I have saved up over the years being undercover? I have had months, years with no expenses, my pay check going straight into my account untouched over and over again"._

_"Sam..."_ Andy didn't know what to say.

_"Hey..."_ Sam said stepping closer to Andy. _"You're only ever gonna get one of these, so it's gotta be something worthy of you, something perfect"._

Sam's words made Andy's face light up with a reddish tint, and her lips pulled up to smile.

_"Let's say this, if it fits you keep it, if it doesn't you can take it back and get whatever you want"._ The confidence radiating from Sam wasn't missed by Andy as he spoke.

"Ok". Andy said stepping forwards to hold out her hand; no way could Sam have bought the ring to fit her slim fingers. It was virtually impossible to judge size on sight. Right?

Sam pulled the rings free of the soft black velvet lace that kept them held down in a bow, before setting the box down on the counter. Slipping the rings on Andy's fingers he held his breath that his measuring had paid off and that they would fit.

Andy stared at her hand as Sam let go, a satisfied smile pulling out the dimples as she looked between her hand and Sam and back again.

_"Guess it's yours now"._ Sam said no longer hiding his explicit happiness at the fact that it was a fit.

A perfect fit.

_"You knew it would fit"._ Andy whispered staring at the rings that now circled her finger almost up to her first knuckle. _"You knew they would fit, didn't you! You measured it somehow didn't you?"_

_"Not quite, I did size them"_. Sam was open to admitting it now that she had to keep it.

_"How?"_

Sam took Andy's hand in his, before slipping off the top plain gold band and held it between his pinkie and ring finger before holding it up to Andy.

_"It was like holding your hand, so I figured it'd fit"._ Sam couldn't help but smirk at his own ingenious idea to size the ring.

Andy rolled her eyes and let out a giggle at the actual idiocy of it, it was a huge gamble for Sam to take, but one that paid off in the end.

_"So, now it's yours"._ Sam said again slipping the ring back on Andy's finger.

_"You played me"._ Andy said looking back at her hand, the rings sat stunningly on her fingers and suited her hand.

_"No, I played to keep you. That makes the ring yours, and you mine"._ Sam said before intertwining their fingers and pulling Andy closer.

**One year later**

Life had both moved forward and returned back to the normal. Andy had returned to patrol after acing her re-certification, and Sam had finally persuaded her to move in with him.

Andy was hardly ever paired with Sam, but rather with Oliver or Chris and occasionally Dov.

Sam kept dropping subtle hints that they should set a date for the wedding, but Andy would only nod in agreement, but never actually acted on the impulse to do so.

And then Sam took matters into his own hands and set the date himself. Bringing up the topic as they sat on the couch watching a late movie after shift.

_"So...um I've set a date"._ He said causing Andy's head to snap around and her to stare at him her mouth gaping similar to a fish.

_"You have?"_ Andy couldn't help the smile that took over her face as she began overflowing with internal excitement.

_"Yeah, you know we've been engaged for a year now, so... November 2nd"._ Sam wasn't sure how she would take the news.

_"That's...that's like three months away"._ Andy suddenly felt the nervousness creeping in as she thought of them actually getting married.

_"I know, plenty of time to do whatever you need to"_ Sam couldn't help the dimpled grin at her sudden nervousness as her lip found its way between her teeth.

_"But...but..."_

_"No buts Andy McNally, it's happening November 2nd, if I have to drag you down to the magistrate's office, the courthouse, or meet you at the church. But it's happening". _

_"Yes Sir"_ Andy simply sighed, a total look of happiness taking over her face.

**November 1st. **

Sam had left to take residence at Oliver's for the night, while Sarah joined Andy at their house the night before the wedding.

Her husband and daughters would be arriving in the morning, from St Catherine's, Sarah having been down for the week to help with the final arrangements.

Andy had been nervous most of the week, and found her nerves growing by the day. But never having second thoughts, it was just pre-wedding jitters.

Until Andy was almost ready for bed.

Sarah knocked gently on the door before walking into Sam and Andy's room clutching a paper bag. Handing it over to Andy in silence, Sarah could help the humongous grin that spread over her face at Andy's confused expression.

Opening the bag Andy pulled out the slim pink and white box that looked really old and was slightly tattered around the edges from age.

Opening the lid, Andy saw a thin gold necklace with a small heart shaped locket on the end of it.

_"Wow Sarah..."_

Sarah smiled at seeing Andy's approving expression.

_"Um...it's one of the only things I have left from my mom, and I wanted one of my girls to have it one day, but I think my mom would approve if you had it instead. Sammy doesn't know I still have it, and I know he would love it if you would wear it tomorrow..."_

_"Sarah, I can't take it, you should give it to your girls"._ Andy whispered putting it back in the box.

_"Nope, look on the back. It's gotta go to you, and I really want Sammy to have something for one of his kids one day, so this just really feels right considering..." _

Andy gently slid the locket out and flipped it over to find an inscription on the back.

**- Every day of Forever. **

_"It's the same thing Sam says to me, the inscription he had put on the inside of my ring..."_ Andy was at a loss for words, her usual allergy to silence slipping away.

_"I know, that's what our parents would say to each other every day before they passed away, rather than the regular I love you or goodbye. My dad gave it to my mom on their wedding day; it's inscribed on her ring too"._ Sarah said lifting her left hand to show Andy that her wedding ring was in fact her mothers.

_"My girls will get this, my mother's charm bracelet and her diamond earrings, so this should go to you and Sammy". _

_"Thank you Sarah"._ Andy said as she jumped off the bed to envelope Sarah in a tight hug.

_"No Andy, Thank you! And welcome to the Swarek family" _

_"Hey, as awesome as that sounds, I'll only be a Swarek from tomorrow"._ Andy said in a fit of teary giggles.

_"Nope, you've been a Swarek since Sammy first laid eyes on you, before you were actually his; you know when you tried to kiss him rather forcibly, on the pavement, when you tackled him"._ Sarah said letting her own giggles mingle with Andy's.

Andy rolled her eyes at Sarah playful nature, the same one Sam had.

_"I did not! And you two are never gonna let me live that down are you?" _

_"Nope, I believe Sammy when he said that's what happened, and besides that is such a story to tell my little Sammy's and Andy's one day" _

_"Seriously? You're as bad as your brother with your little Sammy's and Andy's"._ Andy said sitting back down on the bed in another fit of giggles.

"_You know it's true"_

_"That I do"._ Andy whispered as she pictured little versions of Sam and herself running around.

_"Well you need you're beauty rest, so goodnight Andy"._ Sarah said before giving Andy a hug and retreating silently from the room leaving Andy to linger in her thoughts.

_"Night"_ Andy replied barely noticing Sarah leave.

Focusing on the images of little dark haired, dimpled boys and doe eyed little girls Andy crawled back under the covers, and sighed in contentment.

Every day of forever, the thought caused Andy to smile as she slipped away into dreams filled with white picket fences, two or three little Sammy's and Andy's running around and a happy future with Sam.

Their happy future.

************* THE END*******************

**It has been a pleasure writing this, and I appreciate the awesome responses! It totally rocks to get such awesome reviews from fantastic writers & readers, thank you, even if you just read or followed!**


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